Something that has been non-stop at my heart is how much of a facade my faith has been. My whole life. Pretty bold statement you may think, but really think about your faith. Think about how you say, "I believe in God" and that's just the end of your sentence. Do you believe in His love? His affection? His truth? Have you not only read, but dissected and understood what God is trying to tell you? I'll be honest and tell you right now that I didn't. It's like I was saying I believe in God just like I would say the sky is blue..I had no life in my phrases.
Now..we ALL have testimony (beautiful stories) and I would love to share them some day, but for now I'll say this: I have serious commitment issues, relationship issues, and love issues. Training camp really brought this to this surface for me and I'm so blessed..I'm so blessed that God worked through the AIM staff and my squad-mates to get to the core of this. To be able to say out loud that I was keeping God in a box and 1/4 of me kept from "filling up" on Him, from truly giving Him my all. After grieving, worshiping, begging, and pleading..He made time for little ol' me. I'm truly nothing and yet the greatest Father..the mightiest God..came to me when I asked (here is when I mean 100% – what a God we have!). My RELATIONSHIP began to unfold and become exactly that of what it should be: a relationship with our Father. I became head over heels in love and just craving more and more of what He had to offer us all and one night someone spoke to us about this intimacy. He spoke of the bride just wanting to run down the aisle and trust in Him..always being there with this undying love. We are the bride. I am the bride. This is a relationship. A marriage.
Then the next night one of the AIM staff spoke and briefly touched on the word 'betroth' which immediately had me intrigued. I was enamored from the get go needless to say.
Betroth (be-troth) tr.v.: 1. to promise to give in marriage 2. to promise to marry
"But me she forgot, declares the Lord. Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the wilderness and speak tenderly to her. There I will give her back her vineyards and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope..(con't).."In that day," declares the Lord, you will call me my husband, you will no longer call me my master…(con't)…I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the Lord." Hosea 2:14
Do you get that?! Like, truly understand?? It's so beautiful how much He loves us and how intimate it truly becomes. We always look to other things when He always waits down at the altar for us. Just for us to become 'ready' and when we are, He leads us and is so gentle and kind. We go everywhere except for down the aisle to Him because we are just so afraid of commitment. It is such a marriage if you think about it, wouldn't you talk to your spouse daily? Pray with them daily? Love on them daily? Read in the word with them daily? When you get married (or if you already are) I would certainly hope that you wouldn't go on ignoring your spouse, duh. I found my love, my husband, the one who will never be unloving or unfaithful. My Lord, how over these years I sought this out in earthly things and relationships. Forgive me, Father….I never knew. So afraid to commit to the one who will give us NOTHING but commitment. My engagement, my marriage, my husband, my love, my friend, I am His bride – betrothed to Him. I am utterly in love.
P.S. Regarding funding – I have a $6,500 deadline coming up on June 17th and am short about $900. If you feel financial called to help in supporting me I would be more than blessed. And to those who have donated already, please know how much you mean to me in my life. I'm terrible at showing thanks in a sufficient way I feel..and as if it never is enough, but God..my God how blessed I am to have you. It is more than an honor to know each of you..thank you again.
I am a financially poor newlywed, but rich on love (har har, get it? haha)
Love you guys!
