For the second month in a row we are blessed. Our ministry contacts in China are an energetic young married couple named Jake and Steph whose vision and heart for the Chinese people is inspiring. I personally feel so grateful to have the opportunity to get to know them and soak up their knowledge and passion for the mission field!
A deciding factor in doing the World Race was our desire to develop male and female friendships in a Christian environment. We were aware that living in community would mean us sacrificing most of our alone time. After living this life for a month and a half, I have felt the magnitude of this sacrifice.
The Lord has given us a team that suits us perfectly. They are fun, silly, excited about the gospel, and eager to grow. I could go on and on about the ways they intentionally honor our marriage.
What I’m learning beyond this is how the World Race is teaching us what it means to fight FOR our marriage rather than IN it. While our teammates do everything in their power to bless and honor us, being married sets us apart. At times it has felt isolating. We are different than single people. The things we need, the ways we communicate, and what we long to gain from this experience are unique.
The race does not naturally lend itself to normal married life. We eat sleep and breathe with 5 other people. We share a bathroom, we sleep only feet away in another room, and we share clothes, food, and even toiletries. We are living up close and personal with our new friends.
Needless to say, we are by no means living an 11-month honeymoon. Privacy has taken on a new meaning for us and usually (like when you’re in sleeper beds on trains only inches apart from the others for 38 hours…it just doesn’t exist). Intimacy and romance are not flowing freely. We are busy with ministry, we are learning at a fast pace, we are challenged, we are dirty (most of the time), and we are tired.
You’re probably wondering why the doom and gloom, Ash? I want to be as real and authentic about our journey as possible. I do not share these things with you to sound negative or make you think poor Bonassos. In fact, it is the contrary. I share this with you to tell you that the Lord is blessing us. He is challenging us to understand and practice fighting for our marriage. We must make marriage a priority when our agenda says otherwise.
We’ve seen example after example of passive marriages in which couples coast expecting love and good intention to carry them. Unfortunately, this seems to lead to unrealistic expectation, which leads to disappointment, which then leads to distance and even separation.
To be honest, I’ve asked myself at times why the heck are we doing this? How am I being blessed by little privacy and just plain difficult situations? Why are we putting ourselves through this?
It’s each time I ask myself these questions that I hear the Lord telling me if we learn to fight for our marriage now, we won’t be fighting in it later. Hebrews 12:11 says
No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
This year is sharpening us. It is strengthening our relationship in ways we aren’t even aware of yet.
Regardless of what we end up doing post World Race, this year will forever shape us as a couple, our views of God, and perspective on what life is really about. In just 2 months we have seen that simply going on the World Race does not render you a changed person. Rather, it is us falling face first at the feet of Jesus asking to be used, refined, and changed through what we are experiencing. This year is ultimately a year of surrender.
I believe our ministry this year consists of not only sharing the gospel with people all over the world, but living out a Godly marriage as well. We are exactly where God has called us to be!
