In the last three days we were with Tony, I experienced an entire different guy than who we first met. The entire street was different. No longer were Jakobus and I receiving judgmental looks, but rather “Hello’s” and free pineapples from street vendors. The best part is, in the last three days, all Tony wanted to talk about was God. I never had to bring up the conversation.
He made two rules for the Bumblebee (even changed the name and took out bar). One, you have to have fun. Two, you must take care of the kids. Many of our squad members at this point had heard about Tony’s story and wanted to see what all the talk was about. One of our squad members told Tony that she talked to God and God told her that He is crazy about him and He loves him. I’ll never forget when I got there, he pulled me aside and said, “You won’t believe this, Kara talked to God and God told her that he loves me and He is crazy about me.”
The same day a few of our girls on our squad had taken a special interest in Mot, and like Tony was to us, she too, became their ministry. They bought Mot a Bible and presented the gospel beautifully to her. She said she understood. Tony later said to me, “Mot told me that she feels happy. She is really going to miss you guys when you’re gone.” I explained to Tony again that this is nothing we are doing or saying. This is for all of them and all they have to do is wake up and become aware.
The next night we went over to Tony’s except this time he had a game for us. Here’s how it worked. Tony would ask each of us individually, “Why are you here doing what you are doing.” The more details about God that the individual would give him the more excited he got. He separated each testimony into two categories. The first were the people who said, “I want to…” The second were the individuals who said, “God told me to…” The purpose of this was to teach all of us that before we do anything in life to always, “Ask God first.” At one point he even demonstrated how we are to ask. He said, “Get down on your hands and knees and ask God.” The best part about the entire game was, he, too, was experiencing the Spirit and was dumbfounded that we were too. He wrote down on a piece of paper that God told him to start the Bumblebee for people just like us, he just needed us to come along. (Hey Tony, do you realize that’s prayer? You have been praying for us to come this entire time.)
Ok Tony, here’s what you didn’t know. We are in fact missionaries. I’m sorry to bust your bubble that we are not all bad people and some of us are actually here to simply love. The difference between us and other missionaries you may have encountered is just like you said, we are not here to fix people and change anything. We believe that’s the Spirits’ role and that He is the only one that can change anyone. We are here to simply be love, joy and peace, and by living this lifestyle, others will experience truth by the acts of our certain attitudes. Haha, sorry I never told you.
The last day we were with Tony we went out to eat and Mot joined us. At dinner one of the girls prayed before the meal. Tony asked if he too could pray. His entire prayer was thanksgiving for what all God did IN JUST TWO WEEKS!
So here’s what I learned.
1) You must be guided to be effective. If we were not guided by God’s Spirit, we would have left and our testimony would have left with us. All work would have been in vain. In fact, if we are truly honest with ourselves, if we are not guided by God through the Spirit, we are only attempting to promote our own agenda (which is often times not our own anyway, but rather someone else’s that has “conditioned” us). I have seen this time and time again in the Christian community. People often times know there is a God and believe that Jesus died on the cross and was raised from the dead, but they stop there with their hopeful ideas. They are not guided by the spirit. The simplicity of spirituality is often misconstrued by the ones who live by words alone and all their actions are based fully on these hopeful ideas of God, and a relationship that is confirmed only by the religious. You want a test for this? Here it is ~ Do you find yourself often times arguing over your religion and what you believe with others? You may be asleep. Do you find yourself telling people that their way of life is wrong and you are right? You may be asleep. Do you find yourself doing charitable deeds and volunteer work to feel better about yourself? You may be asleep. Since when did God give us the role of being the Holy Spirit? Where in the Bible does it say, “Go and make everyone conform to the beliefs of what someone has already told you to believe?” No the Bible says, “Go and make disciples of men.” Live by actions not by words. Many people of different religions often times listen to only reconfirm what they have already been told to believe. This is what happened to Tony when he went to the missionary home. He only heard words and saw the religion not the relationship with Jesus and never experienced the Spirit. Spirituality is unlearning. It’s admitting we don’t know, but He does. Life is about awareness. So, if we know there’s a God and believe in Jesus then why are we not experiencing the Spirit? I’ll save this soapbox for another blog another day.
2) Labels can ruin everything. If we came and immediately said something to the effect of, “We are Christian missionaries here to help people,” Tony, most likely, would not have given us the time of day. He most likely would still be right where he was when we found him. A Buddhist monk told me during my time in Chiang Mai something I’ll never forget, “Don’t seek for truth. Only drop your opinions and theories.” He’s right; truth is not something you seek for…it’s experienced. If we drop our biased opinions about everything then we will know. In the same way, if we drop every label we are aware of then we will know. The only label we have in common with all other people is the label of being a human being. So when Tony said, “I was successful,” I immediately thought, “No, you are not your former success. That’s not who the I inside of you. You identified the I inside of you with success, but you are not your success. Success is something that comes and goes.” We too often times identify with similar labels. For example, maybe you say, “I am a business man, a musician, a failure, a doctor, a model, a Gamecock.” We must be careful with these labels because if we are not, what often times happens to us is we cling to those labels. We begin to worry that they are all going to fall apart. That’s when the suffering comes in. So, if you’re suffering in life, it is a good sign that you are asleep spiritually. Suffering is a sign that you’re out of touch with the truth. The Spirit allows us to suffer so that we might open our eyes to the truth. Suffering occurs when you crash into Reality. When our hopeful ideas or illusions of life bump into reality. When your falsehood crashes into truth, then you have suffering. Not one thing about reality changed in the two weeks we were with Tony. Only, the way he saw life changed. It’s the rare Christian that understands this. So I learned that we must stop clinging to our labels and drop them.
3) The opportunities are great if we can unite in love. If everyone we met in Chiang Mai in just two weeks of knowing Tony were to wake up, there would be a lot more light in the city. Matthew 5:14. Let’s just say hypothetically that the one’s we met along the way did wake up (only God knows anyway). By Tony waking up, the Spirit used him to wake Yay-Yay up. Yay-Yay then wakes up her family. That’s over half the police force in Chiang Mai and over half the Mafia. By Tony waking up, the Spirit uses him to continue to wake Mot up. If Mot wakes up that’s over half the Lady boys in Chiang Mai (imagine how many Lady boy bars would be replaced with churches). By Tony waking up, the Spirit could use him to wake up the Toke-Toke driver (the biggest pimp in Chiang Mai). If the pimp wakes up the Spirit could use him to wake up his friends and thousands of young girls who are sold into prostitution would be free. Through Tony, the Spirit introduced us to Narong. Narong has been praying for us for years and has been telling the people in the mountains to get ready (The Spirit wakes up the mountain). Through Tony, the Spirit continues to wake up his entire street. That’s over a million total in Chiang Mai. Through Tony, Phillip (from Brazil) and Suzanna (from Hungary) take this message back to their countries. Who knows what all He wants to do with them? Not to mention how many children were impacted by the Spirit in the slums and night markets. Through all these testimonies we must consider the ones along the way that simply experienced this truth from just knowing about who these people “used to be,” their former labels that they clung to so tightly. Through Tony, many of our squad members come to know the power of Spirit. But again, this is only hypothetical.
4) If none go with me, still I will follow (John 21:20-22). Even if all these people, who I would like to think caught the Spirit, go back to sleep, I will not stop. I have learned so much in just two weeks and become aware of so many things, that for me to stop living this lifestyle now, I would rather die. Truly I would. For me to stop is just the same as death itself. This is all I know now. We are either guided and experience life abundantly, or we are unguided and stay asleep.
Dear Tony,
I am not your God. I am nowhere close to being a God to anyone. What you have experienced is the Spirit in me. It’s attractive isn’t it? You see, it is only because He has woken me up spiritually, that I met you. It is only because I die to myself every day that I could be love to you. You were right ~ we are not that different. I loved the radical lifestyle of girls, alcohol, crazy adventures, and having a lot of great parties. But like you, Tony, I used to live a life that was controlled by people. It used to matter to me what people thought about me, said about me, and did to me. My happiness used to depend on worldly pleasures. But also, like you, it left me with nothing, no one and ultimately miserable. I, too, was once lonely. I, too, was unsure about everything in life and everyone in my life. On the outside, I made it look like I had it all together. I was in College, had many girlfriends, two beautiful dogs, a loving family, a nice car and three great jobs and money seemed to not be a problem. But on the inside, I was crying for help everyday wondering if life was even worth living every day. On January 4th of 2012, I stopped asking the wrong questions and asked the most important question in life, “Who Am I?” It has been a journey and I have learned lots.
Can I be completely honest with you? Life has not become easier since the change. In fact, it has been even harder, BUT IT HAS BEEN WORTH IT! You were right when you said, “Life is a wave.” However, we don’t have to let the waves control us anymore. For we are guided by the One Who made the waves and Who has the ability to make the waves peaceful, joyful and lovely. At times, the me inside still feels insecurities, loneliness, doubt, pressure, unhappiness and sadness. But that is not who I Am. I do not have to be my feelings. For I am not loneliness. I have an aloneness with the One who made me. I am not my insecurities, for those are too worldly for what my God has created me to be. I am not my doubt, for He always guides me into understanding. I am not my unhappiness, for as long as I live, He gives me unstoppable joy. I am not my sadness, for I have detached myself from the world and the people in it so that I can be attached to the One who created it all to further His kingdom on earth.
You have been made aware of a life you can have and it is up to you to decide what you will do with it. I told you from Day One, I am not here to change you. I am only here to love you and be love to you. But Tony, I would be a liar if I didn’t tell you I want you on this journey with me. What you experienced in just two weeks was truth. You experienced truth by an act of a certain attitude, not by words. The Spirit is wooing all of us. We were born to have Him inside of us; all we have to do is wake up and become aware. This is in you Tony. God does not change. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. You heard Him right when He said, “Sell everything you own, get sober and get your book written.” You told me that you have done 1 of the 3. Now I tell you, I am here for you when you are ready for the other two. You have gotten sober before and you can do it again. But you can’t do it for me or anyone else. Sobriety must be obtained for you. I told you I would love to help write your book, but buddy, your book is not done being written yet. Chapter 13 is happening now. Be guided Tony, for you are living the most important chapter of your entire life right now. I love you, my man. And even if I find you later in life in worse shape than we met you in at this time, I will still love you! We will continue to stay in touch. This is in you!
Keep in mind before watching this video that spirituality is new to Tony. Again, we are to celebrate each step along the way, not judge him for his words or idea of God at this time. The content in this video may not be suitable for children.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hBXr0qrdoBQ
Tony loves hearing testimonies and if you have one that you would like to share with him, he would love to read it. If guided to tell yours, send me your testimony about how you woke up spiritually and I would love to get it to him.
Email me at [email protected].
Subject: "This one's for you Tony"
There were hundreds of more stories that happened in our time in Chiang Mai and for me to share all of them, I would not have a blog but a book. Thank you for taking the time to read this story. Keep praying for me, because you have no idea how much I feel it when you do.
