Hey there Family! How is everyone?!?
Well…just wanted to have a chat with ya.
In one of my previous blogs, I wrote about some of the things God had been teaching me at the time: His faithfulness in keeping His promises whether we choose LIFE or DEATH.
Well…since then, I have not stopped learning. I have not stopped seeing. I have not stopped hearing. I have not stopped reflecting on my life and how He has carried me and brought me to the place I am today.
I would say that the things I’m learning now are still on the topic of His faithfulness, but I guess from a different perspective. Before coming on this race, it was so easy for me to fall into a state of worry…even to the point of unconciously worrying. It was easy for me to conciously or unconciously dwell forever on something that was bothering me. And although I would pray concerning these things, I never would actually give these worries to God in exchange for His peace. And naturally, I’m a layed back and easy going person. It was on the inside that all the battles and turmoil would take place. I would never let on because of my ‘lack of trust’ issues that anything was wrong with me, because then I would worry about what whoever I told was REALLY thinking about me.
Since I have been on this race, living in community with team IGNITE mostly, we have become family. We have had our times where we needed to just pour out what was raging on the inside. We have had to get honest with each other. We have had to be vulnerable with one another. We have had to trust God that the people He put each of us with on this team was actually in His perfect will. And this has never been easy for me…not for a long time!
I used to think I could make it on my own.
I used to think I didn’t need too many people in my life.
I used to think that having too many friends was not worth the trouble…the ups and downs and shakiness of relationships.
I used to think life for me would always be like that.
But then God put me in a land far from my house on 11th Street…far from my room that was my hiding place and “safe zone”. He put me in a land where I had to get aquainted with 26 racers who arrived in Swaziland, Africa the same day I did. He put me in a land with a new family (Gary and Lisa Black). He put me there…but not before I took a step of faith in “trusting” God, in walking in obedience, and in trusting my spiritual parents (Mike and Patti Paschall).
Sure, these last 6 months have been filled to capacity with being open, being vulnerable, and letting God do what He wants to do in my life in order that I can walk in freedom, in faith, in life. And I have had moments where I would fall into that relapse mode and not want to be open with them about what was going on spiritually or emotionally with me.
But through it all, it’s been quite a thrill of a journey!
Time is drawing near to when we return back to the States, to when I return back to my house on 11th Street, to when I have the luxury of going into my room…my safe haven.
But I believe now that when I get there, things won’t be the same. I believe that they can’t be…atleast for me. I’ve seen too much…too many hurting people…hurting in too many ways. If I stay in my safe haven with answers to problems that people have, how can they be healed? how can they be free? how can they know that life doesn’t always have to be the inward battles of the soul?
This is just a piece of one of the testimonies of my life.
God is faithful. God is aware. God is the answer.
Be blessed!!
Enjoy the Journey!!
