Blog Post: January 4, 2015
Overwhelmed with His Faithfulness
I am currently typing this at about 6:29 am. I am in a room filled with sleeping pads, packs, and about 15 sweet sisters. We have begun this journey together: a journey of community, sacrifice, love, challenge, and seeking Jesus. It has been quite the roller coaster of everything since arriving in Chiang Mai. My heart has been overwhelmed with His faithfulness to an answered prayer I have been praying for over a year; to simply have more of Him.
This prayer is so open-ended in nature. When we ask for more of Jesus, we can always know that we will be given more of Him, but most of the time we never know the delivery of how Jesus has this planned. He wants to take us deeper than our human nature ever desired but so deep that Holy Spirit has already paved a path to His feet where whimsy, love, and His very presence rests.
It all hit me in worship the other night, when our squad came together and was all praising the name of Jesus and singing to Him. Some were crying in His presence (aka me-I tend to cry often when feeling the presence of Jesus), some were swaying as if He was holding their hand and dancing, some were singing with everything they had. Jesus was here. Holy Spirit was present in the room. There was more of Jesus.
As I feel to my knees, I could not stop crying. When I stood up there was a lake of a puddle in front of me. As we sang the lyrics “You will be praised, no weapon formed against me shall remain”, my life started to flood into vision. All the pain, the struggle, the hurt, the person I was, am, is still. He was more than all that. I felt as if there was a switch in size. The things that had once taken up so much of my worries, anxiety, and life were smaller and Jesus was bigger. There was more of Him.
The city of Chiang Mai came into focus. In a land of strong Buddist culture and so many idols, Jesus was standing. He was everywhere my foot touched, my eyes looked, my heart cried to. There was more of Jesus.
My heart has been striving for so long to be accepted for exactly who I am and the past few days I have felt Jesus revealing more of me that I need to surrender in order to experience more of Him. Seeking Him with my whole heart, so He may reveal all of the wonders He has in store. That starts with not worrying about acceptance of people, the need to feel like I am on the same page as others, the need to prove myself, the need to be perfect. He says with your tears and at my feet, lay that all down. Lay down the comfort of what you have known because to experience more of Jesus, we have to go to new lands. New territory. New doors. I have to keep knocking and knocking, asking and praying, seeking and crying out. There was is more of Jesus. More to be experienced, shared, loved, discovered, danced, wrecked.
I know God has some amazing things planned for the city of Chiang Mai, for the world. He wants to give more of Him. He wants to go deeper into relationship so that He can press in, as we press in and reveal more of Holy Spirit to the world. He wants to refine and rebuild, renew and remake, and cleanse.
Prayers: For the city of Chiang Mai and the people of Thailand (land of the free). May they live in the freedom that Jesus has died for and experience the freedom that only He can give. May joy fill the hearts of this place, as the fruits of the Spirit are harvested. May we grow in boldness and courage, may we be vulnerable always and willing to wet the feet of our Beloved. May there be more of you Jesus.
Much love and whimsy,
V
