A Poem By: Tatiana Famania
I sit and wait…Wait for a call, a sign, anything! To show you still care…Waiting to hear those beautiful words I heard the other night…Don’t you remember…Don’t you remember when you told me your love for me was forever, never-ending, the stream that quenches the very thirst in your heart…Or did you forget that part…Don’t you remember our love, passion, laughs, conversations we have had, you were my best friend and those intense stares…Or are you scared …Scared of rejection, these feelings, everything happening so soon, too much pressure of, “who is she to you” and “Are you in love”….
But don’t you remember when I told you “I love you”…When I gave you all of me, so that you wouldn’t have to question the thought of “us.”…When I gave you me, because the thought of being all alone without that sacred part of myself, that I gave you, was far more un-bearable then losing myself in you….When I gave you my HEART &BODY…That piece of me I was saving so long for that special someone…I GAVE IT TO YOU…The passion I was saving for a man that was suppose to love me FOREVER… YES, I gave that to you…Don’t you remember…
Still I wait, wait and wait… Because every brain cell in my head is telling me you’ll call…When everything in my heart is telling me to stall…Stall on the idea that you actually truly loved me, that you didn’t tell me those things to steal the one thing about me you said you respected so much…My virtuosity, that was meant for a man with the intentions of forever…Still I wait, wait and wait…Even though my guilt tells me that your gone…See ya later, I got what I wanted, We can still be friends that “kick-it.” Whatever that means…Still I wait, wait and wait…Knowing that you never nor will ever love me again…I’m left feeling disgusted, heart-broken and lost…Can’t find myself through this big blob of depression that IS me… Knowing …Knowing I gave it all away so freely…Knowing that you forgot, but worse of all that I did not …Broken, angry and confused…I wait, wait and wait… For a misunderstanding of us, you made a mistake, that its fate, that you want me…That you’re going to come for me and sweep me off my feet, and never let me go… but you do not show…Still I wait, wait and wait for some sort of clarity or closure… but it does not come…
Until I finally learned to forgive myself, for my selfish fleshly desires…Until I learned to forgive you for all that has transpired… I know now that virtuous- uniqueness about me will never be as it once was… but you see there is a new me…Now I wait, wait and wait… Because now I know there is a man worthy of waiting for… Jesus Christ has made me new and refined me…I am no longer lingering to fill the void of loneliness that had penetrated my heart so much…I have filled it with an un-fathomable love for Christ that I have never know before… I am no longer disgusted or lost, but I am found a brand new woman in Him who; forgives, loves honors, blesses, heals and conquers… My love for myself and virtuosity bring Him joy… And with that brings me Joy…This love is so un-conditional I know now that you would have never been able to love me this way…And that’s okay, because He tells me to forgive you for all the hurt and pain, and although I did not get closure with you… He has given me such sound peace about you…This is true heartfelt intimate love… Not that sexual thing you called love… It’s real and so full of meaning…Now I wait, wait and wait for a man He tells me He has just for me…A man perfectly mine…Beyond any of my wildest dreams… A man that is going to love me flaws and all, forever, his love will be never-ending, and I will be the stream the quenches his hearts thirst… I will be his and he will be all mine…
Though I wish no girl will ever have to go through the heartache I have been through… I want to thank-you… For getting my one step closer to the life and happiness that God intended for me…Although I had to struggle and hurt, I have finally seen God, and have been tremendously changed…I do not hate you, but I hate the scars our sins have left me with…I pray that someday you find the closure and peace that I have found… I pray that your heart will never be broken the way you broke mine…And that someday you find and seek God and the unfathomable love I speak of…YOU ARE FORGIVEN… And Jesus has set me free from the captivity that waiting for you had me in… I am free…I am so happy…That I am one step closer…It’s so alarming…I am one step closer to my Prince Charming. May God truly bless you.
-Tatiana Famania
Finally writing whats been on my heart for so long, Be fragile with your comments…
