I looked down at the water and was full of emotions.
I was scared, nervous, excited, and overwhelmed.
There were a group of other American surfers and El Salvadorians telling me to jump.
Three of my teammates were already in the water.
I took a deep breath and jumped.
I screamed on the way down and the second my feet hit the water I felt uneasy.
March 22nd is a day I will never forget.
It was our last day of ministry and we had just had a party for the older kids at CDI. All week we had planned to jump off the pier with our host. Many other teams had done it as well as locals. We thought this would be a great last day before we headed to debrief to join the rest of our squad.
I was scared because I don’t like the ocean to begin with (there are sharks in there) but I love doing things for the story. I love overcoming my fears and stretching my comfort zone.
I got a story; however it is not the story I had envisioned.
Before we jumped our host told us we were going to have to swim to shore because the ladder that was normally there wasn’t that day. It didn’t seem to bother us but looking back we did not have a real plan. Our plan was to jump, swim to shore, and thats it. We were so sure things would be okay.
When I jumped I was immediately filled with regret. I swallowed it down and began to swim. I swam as hard as I could and rode the waves like I was supposed to. The problem was, the undertow was stronger than any of us could have foreseen. I was swimming yet getting no where.
I was also getting pushed towards the pier. One thing you should avoid is said pier but the harder I swam the closer I was getting. I began to grow weaker and fear started to seep in. I grabbed ahold of the sharp pole because I felt like I had no other option. This is when I began to panic.
I cried out to my host. I knew I was not going to make it to shore. I looked for my teammates and knew none of us were going to make it. We hadn’t gotten far at all and fear was in many of our eyes. I held on.
I cried out to the Lord to save us. I became angry in a way. Telling the Lord that this is not the way I wanted my life to end. He had so many plans for me that He already showed me were to take place.
I wanted to finish this race. I wanted to see my family when I got home. I wanted to go back to school. I wanted to get married. I wanted to have children. I wanted all my hopes and dreams to come true. I wanted out of this water.
So I held on.
In my head I was willing to hold on for as long as I possibly could. I was going to fight for this life.
Wave after wave came crashing down. I was beginning to lose hope. Then from the corner of my eye I saw a ladder being brought down. My hope was restored.
Now all I had to do was make it to the ladder and I would be safe. When I reached the ladder a huge wave took me under. This happened twice but I never let go of the ladder. Three of my teammates were already up and climbing by the time I found the strength to start climbing.
I had very little strength and it felt like my arms weighed a 100 pounds, but I knew all I had to do was make it up and I would be safe.
A couple of the American surfers were encouraging me the whole way.
You got this.
Take a breathe.
You are so close.
Don’t stop.
I was shaking and my arm was covered in blood from smacking it against one of the poles. But I refused to let the ocean win.
When I finally climbed over the railing I was overwhelmed by all the people who were there. I was in shock with what had just happened and thankful for my feet being on solid ground.
I have no idea how long we were in the water or how long it took me to climb the ladder. Time was no existence from the second I jumped in until we got home.
Before we headed to the hospital the two surfers who were encouraging me came up to me.
One told me I was a fighter. That I did everything I could to stay alive and that he was proud of me.
I couldn’t even muster up a thank you. They will never know how much they truly helped me that day.
A teammate later referred to them as angels protecting us. I will never know, but the Lord definitely put them there for a reason and I could not be more grateful for them.
This was by far the scariest moment of my life.
In a way it has also been a huge blessing.
Life can be taken in a single second. One decision could have altered my entire existence. I realized some of the things I had been holding on were not important. We are called to live a life like Jesus and I wasn’t doing that. I was holding on to things that I knew was wrong. I had a mindset that I had time work on them. Turns out I have no idea when my last moment on this earth will be. Things that I can change now, like forgiving others or not harboring anger needed to be changed.
Once again the Lord opened my eyes to the things around me.
I’ve learned to put my pride aside and ask for help. Because of my injuries, my right arm was nearly impossible to do the littlest of tasks.
I had to ask for someone to help me get dressed.
To help me pack.
To help bandage my arm.
To carry my pack.
Really anything that had weight to it, I had a hard time holding.
Talk about learning humility.
I realized it is okay to ask for help. Even in situations where I am not hurt. People around me want to help and its okay to ask for it without fearing they will resent me.
This next season in my life is going to be different than I have ever experienced. Not only with the Lord but with the relationships around me.
I feel more love and passion for the things around me.
He has places this fire in me that I have never felt before.
I feel more alive than ever.
I almost lost my life in that water, but I walked away with a stronger desire to live than ever.
I learned first hand the words I wrote in my previous blog: Life is worth waking up to.
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Please pray for me as I walk in this new transition in my life. For the mental processing this accident has left me with. For the other girls who were also in the water, and not. We each experienced this in a different way. For the Lord to rock our worlds these next three months.
