Day 7:
11pm-6am: “Night Watch” Shared part of my testimony for the first time on shame
While at training camp I wrote everything down, especially the day to day activities. Above is one of those entires. I have shared my past many times and my family history, but I have never actually given my testimony. When I shared with my squad I wanted to do this, I could barely get the words out. I was shaking and there was a lump the size of a grapefruit in my throat. I wasn’t afraid to share my story, I was afraid to trust a piece of myself to people I had only known for seven days at the time. Telling someone some of my deepest darkest secrets that many people in my life who are closest to me don’t even know was absolutely terrifying.
What I didn’t know was God, being the funny man he is, had plans for me that night I never expected.
Little back story, in my previous blog I talked about how I have been struggling with shame and Gods worth. Though I know my worth in God, I still struggled with shame and asked God daily to show me a sign that He truly forgave me. When I told my squad I wanted to share I had planned on ending my testimony that I still struggled with the shame, but it is a work in progress. This is where Gods sense of humor came in.
Later that night we had a speaker talk about listening prayers. This like many other things that happened during camp was very new to me. At the end of his message he has us split into groups of four and “listen” to what God was sharing with us about the people in the circle. It was one of the most powerful things I had ever experienced, then a squad-mate of mine rocked my world even more. She turned to me and gave me exactly what I had been asking God to give me the past year. In that very second all the shackles I had, put on by myself mind you, were set free. I WAS SET FREE.
Trying to explain that feeling in nearly impossible, but I can tell you I have never felt so much peace. I kept my shame a secret for so long and allowing myself to be vulnerable enough to share it allowed God to open that door in showing me the truth. He forgave me a long time ago, I just refused to see it.
Writing a blog about everything I went to at training camp was hard for me. I have tried countless times to try and write about it. I decided to share my heart instead.This is important because I believe my story can help others. We strive for people to say “me too” after we share something so we know we aren’t alone. And although it breaks my heart to know many of my squamates have struggled with similar situations as me I had many people say “me too” after I shared. I want people to know freedom IS out there. It took me a year to find it but it was so worth it to find it in Christ.
In just five short weeks I will be jetting off to my first country, Cote d’Ivoire spreading this unbelievable love Jesus Christ has instilled in each of my 50 squadmates. It has been an absolute pleasure to watch each of us grow during training camp and I know God has so many plans for not only us but each person we reach in these 11 countries.
For those of you wondering what you can do with all this jumbled information, I ask you to pray.
Pray for my squad
Pray for my team
Pray for the 11 countries
Pray for my mentors who have been molding us and training us to be disciples to these nations
Pray for the families we are leaving behind
Pray for me to have strength these next five weeks
One single prayer can make a difference.
I also ask you to consider sponsoring me financially. Right now i am only about $5,500 away from being FULLY FUNDED! It has been such a blessing to have all this support. A year ago if you would have asked me if raising 17+ thousand was possible I would have laughed in your face. My trust in God has grown substantially and stepping outside my comfort zone has made raising this money almost enjoyable. I would not be where I am today without all the people who have given in some way and I will forever be grateful.
I’ll leave you with this: FREE PEOPLE, FREE PEOPLE. Now that I am finally free, will you help me go out into this world and do the same for others?
My crazy amazing K-Squad and our mentors:
My beautiful team who I’ll be launching with: Team OnePulse
