Alright, so I'm going let everyone in on a little secret of mine. Well, it might not be a secret, but it's something that I have been trying to hide for a long time.
I'm scared to death to love……
I don't believe that it's actually the whole loving part that I'm scared of it's pretty easy loving people.
No, the part that I'm scared of is letting people in, and possibly getting hurt in the process because the feelings aren't the same.
As most of you know I'm at an orphanage this month. I'm not going to lie, I was pretty pumped about being in an orphanage, because I love kids (most of the time). Yet, I was telling myself don't get to excited you might not like what you have to do……diapers was my first thought.
Actually, there are no diapers that I have to change, because there is only three little girls in diapers, and someone else is taking care of them.
I fell in love with the little ones right off the bat, but they were drawn to everyone but myself. And the teens were very quiet and really not very many of them wanted anything to do with us.
But God works in extremely cool ways.
I have been feeling like God was telling me to love more. I would pray asking how can I love more when I don't know what I'm doing. I got my answer the next night.
A group came to visit one day and before they left they wanted to pray over the kids. When they started praying some of the kids started freaking out. I don't think the kids have ever seen anything like that before. The group meant well. I'm not trying to bash them at all. They were asking God to pour out his blessings over the kids and the orphanage, but they spoke in English and while the kids know English if you speak too fast they don't understand, and during lessons we still need a translator.
During the prayer each kid found their way right to our team. All of the kids clung to us 6 women who haven't been there very long, but it's like the kids knew that we really love them a lot.
I'm still not 100% sure how to love with everything I have, but one thing I know is that leaving at the end of the month is going to be the hardest thing in the world, because when you love people it hurts to leave them. Especially when you aren't sure if you will ever see them again.
But I think what's going to bother me the most is that I know it's going to hurt the kids more with someone else leaving them then it's going to hurt me. I mean it's going to hurt I can already feel it, but God is a God of love. I came to this orphanage to love so hard it hurts, and as of right now I don't want to leave, because I know the pain is going to be deep.
But, I'm learning how to love people the way God loves them, and the pain God feels when we turn our back on him. It kind of feels like your heart is being ripped out of your chest.
1 Corinthians 13:4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand it's own way. It is not irritable and it keeps no records of being wronged, it does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
The underlined part is what I'm learning the most this month. God's love never fails or gives up. God's love conquers all and past the pain.
Please keep my team in your prayers when it comes to loving people with everything we have even to the point of pain.
Please pray that we have an easy time loving people and each other.
Please pray that leaving won't hurt these wonderful kids very badly.
Please pray for rapid healing for everyone who is sick.
