For the past couple days I have been a little out of sorts and I didn't know what it was. I have been feeling kind of depressed; even though I have been doing all kinds of new things and experiencing China to the max. I couldn't quiet put my finger on this feeling until this morning.
This morning I woke up and just wanted to cry, so I prayed that God would reveal anything that was holding me back. He put a picture of my family in my head. This morning I had to come to the conclusion that I am homesick. I miss my mom, dad, brother, sister, all the kids at church, and being able to understand what everyone is saying. I realize now that this adventure, mission trip, whatever you want to call it. Is God telling me I need to focus on something more important then the people I love so dearly and focus on my calling to be the woman I am created to be in the first place.
You see I have had this little problem that I didn't realize was a problem until I got to training camp. My whole life my mom has been my hero to the point of I wanted to be just like her. I wanted to do everything she did; be the same person she is. All the while not realizing that God created me to be someone completely different than my mom. God created me to be just like ME!!!! My mom has been an idol in my life that I didn't know existed until God pointed it out. My mom is a wonderful Christian woman who I hold with high respect, but that doesn't mean that I have to be just like her to be a wonderful Christian woman also. God has called me to be me, and I don't know who that is anymore.
Part of this journey is letting go of my idol, and putting my focus on God and the woman he made me to be. It's not going to be easy at first, because there is a lot of change that needs to happen.
Fact is my mom is my idol, and that can't happen anymore. It doesn't mean that I don't love my mom or that I'm not going to miss her. It just simply means in order for me to be me I have to get to the point where God is number one and not my mom.
So if you would please pray for me and the rest of my squad. Pray for comfort, peace and grace for one another as we make our way through these next ten months overcoming past obstacles. And maybe even current ones.
