What Am I Doing Here?
What a cliché question…doesn’t everyone want to know the
answer to that question? I guess I
should get a little more specific-What am I doing here-in Georgia?
I came here to start a photography school. I came here because there was a solid
community that I could be a part of.
I came here, because I felt like God called me here.
So why do I
feel so misplaced?
I am trying to make some sense of this step of faith I
took. It’s not that I doubt God
has called me to Georgia, or that he has asked me to start the photography
school. Both those things were
confirmed and re-confirmed. It’s just, at the end of the day, my passion is to
be out on the field, serving, shooting pictures, and finding stories. So “what am I doing here instead of out
there?”
I was quite crushed when God asked me not to go to
Haiti. It was an opportunity to
satisfy that deep desire in my heart.
I will admit there was a selfish fulfillment in going. It might satiate me a while so I could
continue forward with the photography school. Yet he wanted me here.
Why?
The past three days have been have been a downward
progression of answers. It started
Sunday with not going to Haiti.
Then Monday, I received this word:
“there will be 5 stages, almost like stairs that I will have to go
through, only, I’m not going to walk UP the stairs, I’m going to walk
DOWN. It will feel like
demotions. The silver lining being
as more and more gets stripped from me, my calling will get more and more
specific”
That’s a hard word to receive.
Things are only going to get harder, before they get
better? Accepting that, and being
obedient to that is probably the hardest part. Which brings me to yesterday. Yesterday was the day to process. On the race, and again two days ago, I received a teaching
on reaching your Kingdom dreams that is quite applicable to what I’m going
through. Dreams were compared to
seeds. Before anything grows from
that seed, you first have to plant it in the ground, where it’s dark and
hot. While it’s in the ground the
seed dies and actually begins to rot away. But from the demise of the seed the life of a sprout can
emerge, slowly making it’s way to the surface where there is light and
unobstructed freedom. Just like it
is vital for the plant that the seed dies, it is necessary that for God’s plan
in my life, I too must die and rot away.
Now, that doesn’t make the process any easier, but at least
now as I walk down this path I’m prepared for the hardships and I know why I’m
here. God has me in Georgia for a reason:
to die to Him.
