Well friends, I apologize for not being diligent last week with my blog posts. To be honest, I didn’t want to really be around my computer…not sure why…maybe I was passive aggressively angry with it…but we have made up and are enjoying a cloudy morning here in Austin. So I don’t have any one cool story to tell you guys…I have four! 🙂 I apologize for the length (This is what happens when you don’t update regularly!) but read it all…its good! 🙂
ONE:
This fund raising thing! WHEW is it stressful! But last Sunday at church God spoke and brought me peace! 🙂 My church has been discussing Money, and what the Bible says about managing your money effectively, and how you can use it to bless God responsibly. My pastors sermons were very interesting and informative, and I found it interesting that we were talking about financial issues when I need this huge chunk of money. So last week he talked about debt. He shared some awesome stories of how God delivered people from 40-50, 000 dollar debt in a year or two, and really emphasized the point that if you are responsible with your money as God has asked, and you bless God with your money, he will bless you ten fold! Then at the end of the sermon he invited anyone who was in need of any kind of financial blessing to come up front and get prayed for. As he as inviting us, I realized I was on the verge of tears. I was up front in a flash. When I started to pray to God the tears came, and I began to understand how worried I was about this. A couple of my friends came up and prayed for me and one said something that really spoke to me. He went with me to Indonesia, so he understands the pressures of fund raising.
“I remember trying to raise money for Indo, and the feeling that I was never doing enough. Always thinking I need to send out one more support letter, or have another fund raiser. But we don’t need to strive when God is willing to bless us”
That statement was so timely. I was coming off a week where I felt like I wasn’t doing enough. I thought I wasn’t praying enough, or that I needed to fast more, or spend more time with God. While all those things are well and good, they mean nothing without faith that he will provide. Where was my faith? This past Sunday, a couple from the body got up and had a word for the congregation. They were calling to God for big things to happen and just kept sayings “Surprise us with…Surprise us by…” I couldn’t help but think “why would we be surprised to see God move like that? I shouldn’t be surprised when God blesses me with a large sum of money (I definitely will be) but if nothing is too big for our God, why do I act and think like it is?
The moral of this story is simple: GOD WILL PROVIDE
TWO:
This one will be brief because I don’t want to dwell on it.
Satan attacked again this past Friday night. This time it was through a very real and intense dream, timed perfectly when both of my room mates were gone for the weekend to Dallas.
Please keep praying for protection from these attacks. Satan knows exactly how to get me that makes me question my identity in Christ. He’s good, he’s done his homework, but my God is still stronger 🙂
THREE:
I am learning more and more that there really is strength in vulnerability. Lately there has been a lack of openness between me and my room mates. After praying and discussing it in depth, me and one of my room mates decided to take this problem on and brought it to my second room mate Sunday night.
WHAT A NIGHT OF FREEDOM!!!
God was with us as all of us talked and expressed our hearts and fears about sharing certain things with each other, and how that truly affects our perceptions of each other. There were of course tears, but as hard as being vulnerable is (at least for me) I am in awe of how it strengthens friendships. Usually after a conversation like this, the next morning I wake up defenses up, a little embarrassed that I let anyone in. Monday morning, there was a smidgeon of that, but it’s gotten smaller, and each time I do this, that regret is smaller and smaller. If you knew me 4 years ago…it was virtually impossible to get me to open up, but God has been so faithful as I learn to open up to people…esp girls! I love my room mates and have never felt closer to them!!!
FOUR:
This one is really good!!!
So three years ago I was in a really poopy relationship that really shattered my faith in God. I knew God was still there, and still believed he had the best for me, but I was very mad at him. As a result my intimacy with him suffered and all desire to know him better was really hit or miss. I tried to read my bible and spend time with him, but there was no passion in it which made it almost pointless. As a part of this journey toward the World Race, God has really sought to heal our relationship. The past 9 months have been about gaining trust in him again and in his plan and let me tell you, there have been some high highs and some low lows! But the joy I once had when I spent time with him has slowly but surely come back and our relationship is stronger than I can ever remember it being! However, there was still on thing missing. Worship time for the past few years has been very difficult for me. The words had little meaning to me and there was again, no passion in what I was saying. I used to be very punctual when it came to getting to church so that I didn’t miss any of the worship, but the past year or so, I would get to church late, arriving just at the tail end of worship. I would try to get there on time, but when singing doesn’t have the same effect it used to, its hard to motivate yourself to go.
Well, the past month the passion and desire to worship has been stirred up in me again, and as such, I began getting to church on time!!! This past Sunday though, was the pinnacle, and I know that I have come full circle because I was worshiping like a mad women! There was so much joy, passion and desire there that it was hard to contain! What freedom!!! And I am so grateful that God was so patient but pursuant in healing our relationship. I have never felt so intimate with God and am so excited to see what he has for us and this adventure we are going on! 🙂
