The war has begun…I know this because last night, Satan attacked…
Lately, I have been going to bed at a reasonable hour….around 9 o’clock…Ok so I’m an old lady…but it is reasonable!!! Anyway, it has been so amazing and rejuvenating. And since I have been going to bed earlier, I have not faced many opportunities for Satan to attack me when my defenses are down, which seems to be the danger the longer you stay up. Because of this recent practice, I almost think I was more susceptible being out of “practice”.
So last night I was babysitting and was so tired I fell asleep on their couch until the parents came home about 10:30. We talked some and by the time I left it was a little after 11. Now just for a disclaimer…the following were merely a vision…this did not actually happen. And I want it to be said in advance….I am sorry if I offend and guy with this blog…I am not a man hating macho feminist or anything and I certainly do not think men are inherently disrespectful to women…with that said…
I began to think about the race and visualizing events that might occur. After doing this a while I got this horrific vision in my head of a man, taking me away from my team and trying to rape me. In it I either was able to fight my way free, or a team member would save me, but I still felt the embarrassment of it actually happen. I then had a vision of having to tell the AIM leaders and them telling me that I should go home and deal with this with a counselor or something. I remember telling them I can keep going, but saying this with my head down.
After thinking this for a few minutes I thought…”Why is this in my head? This is not from God” and began praying. Alas, with my defenses being down I quickly lost focus and the bad thoughts returned but this time I noticed how stirred my spirit was. It has been prophesied over me that God has given me tremendous strength, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. It’s been hard for me to understand what people mean when they say I have this strength, but lately God has been revealing this gift to me. So I identified this stirring as my strength of my spirit responding to such a gruesome image.
And then, I began to get angry at the fictional man who did this, and the real men who do this to defenseless women. The stirring in my spirit that I thought was my strength building was really anger and resentment that was coming out against men. And then my thoughts began to attack the roles of women, our nurturing and serving side that are sometimes used to subjegate women in a subservient role. And then my own thoughts started attacking me. “why would you want to put yourself in that position? Why would you want to get married and have some man think he’s better than you?” Then, Satan faltered…
“There’s so much SHAME in that”.
The word that broke the spell: SHAME. Immediately I knew that this was not my own passions or desires speaking, that this was not from God and this was not truth. This was an attack. OF COURSE! I was tired, it has been a long day at work, and it was late. I almost kicked myself for being so blind, but quickly began shouting truth in my car, rebuking Satan and his attack.
Satan knows I am passionate about encouraging and empowering women who are abused, or degraded. He also knows my own personal searches on what it means to be a women of God, and how I, personally can reflect God’s beauty while still maintaining my Tom-boy-esque personality. If you read my “I am woman, hear me roar” blog, you would learn that I feel like my role this upcoming year is to empower women and challenge the perceptions many people have about women. How great is it going to be to destroy the fabric of lies Satan has created in this area? He’s scared, that’s why he attacked me last night. And as far as I’m concerned, he better be cowering in a corner, because me, and my team, and our God are about to rock his world!
