So in light of having a blog…which I have only ever had once before for a brief period my freshman year in college (I believe the excitement of that one lasted three posts…) I wanted to get in the habit of writing. Not really knowing what to write about, I have concluded that I will recap the past 6 months or so. My hope is that everyone who reads this post will understand why I have chosen to do the World Race and why this cannot be put off after i have a steady job, or have saved money.
It all started before graduation…with job interviews…
Being an athlete at UT, we had our own career services with our own network of former UT Athletes. These guys would bend over backwards to help you get a job. This is for sure where I was going to get the “hook” up…(UT fans understand the pun) I got three interviews with major companies who all seemed really impressed with me. It wasn’t until after graduation that I started hearing back from them. In particular was an athletic store found in the South-Southeast called Academy. They called me back for a second interview. It was not exactly in my area of expertise, but I was coming out of college with no internship on the resume and would gladly accept anything that would get my foot in the door. Despite being willing and eager for the position I was not offered the job. But that was OK! Thats not where I was supposed to be…God had a different plan…there was a better job for me out there. Moving past the disappointment, I sent out a whole slew of resumes in the following months. I Had some connections through friends, and UT etc…but one by one…(SLAM!)…the doors were closed. By mid march I was so frustrated and disillusioned. Self-doubt was beginning to creep in. Would I ever get a job? Am I even good enough?!! What was I doing wrong?!
I didn’t understand. My plan was to get a job, gain some experience in my field, earn some money, and then when I had some knowledge let God take over and lead me into the unknown. It made sense…I was chasing after my own career goals while still leaving a place for God’s plan…isn’t that enough?
By this point I had heard about the world race. A friend
of mine applied, and although I was envious of him, I thought right now wasn’t the time. God was going to lead me to the job he wanted me to have, I just had to wait for it to come along. It had now been three months since I graduated, and still nothing. I didn’t even feel like God was leading me anymore. He sat silently, watching me from the sidelines, not coaching me at all.
of mine applied, and although I was envious of him, I thought right now wasn’t the time. God was going to lead me to the job he wanted me to have, I just had to wait for it to come along. It had now been three months since I graduated, and still nothing. I didn’t even feel like God was leading me anymore. He sat silently, watching me from the sidelines, not coaching me at all.
Spring Break for my college friends was approaching and we were planning a backpacking trip to New Mexico. This trip was going to be very therapeutic for me. Being in nature..communing with God and good friends…no worldly distra
ctions. God was going to reveal his plan for me on this trip, i just knew it…He had to! He was just waiting to make sure I was listening…
ctions. God was going to reveal his plan for me on this trip, i just knew it…He had to! He was just waiting to make sure I was listening…
Alas….as relaxing as the trip was…my only revelation from God came after a long hard hike. We had stopped for lunch and my other compatriots had passed out exhausted. I began pouring my heart out to God, unloading my all my questions I had burning inside me. God answered my onslaught of questions with: “Be patient”. “I hate that answer, God,” I said. “Can’t you give me a little more to go on?” “Be patient.” And with that I was swept with peace and was comforted in knowing that all would be revealed to me in due time.
Although I didn’t get a message sent by angels decending from the heavens in regards to my future, I felt different about my situation. I was rejuvenated by a new sense of peace. Sadly, as most of us have experience…we can only be patient for so long and then it becomes a struggle again and we are left asking questions and demanding answers according to our agendas.
This brought me to the peak of my frustration. I applied to the world race, not REALLY thinking God was going to send me, but nevertheless hoping that taking action in a new direction might help my situation. I was juggling multiple balls here, still applying for jobs, internships, and now looking at mission trips, hoping that SOMETHING would give me answers. Though I felt I was taking action in my life and doing my part, I still felt God was standing there, silent and doing nothing. For this, I became angry. Why wasn’t he doing his job? I was doing mine!!! One night, my friends and I went out to dinner to celebrate one of them being accepted into grad school. I was not much in a sociable mood, feeling particularly bitter that yet another one of my friends had some direction in her life and I didn’t. After dinner, I thankfully drove separately and parked by Town Lake. That night, I let God have it. I yelled, I screamed, I cried. I told Him how angry I was that he wasn’t doing anything for me. He wasn’t giving me direction like he says he does, my hope was deteriorating and he was doing nothing to restore it!!!
The next day wasn’t any better. I cried for most of it, and my mood worsened when I learned that a check I was expecting didn’t come through. So here I was…jobless…futureless…moneyless…hopeless…
I’d like to say that God broug
ht me comfort and peace at this moment, that he spoke words of healing and hope to me…but he didn’t. He looked at me with a sorrowful look on his face, and nodded in acknowledgment. That was it. Day by day my spirits came back and I was resolved to be aimless until I heard otherwise. What else could I do? I had tried everything I could think of to this point with no avail. That lasted about a week when I got an email from AIM wanting to interview me about the World Race. The interview went well and I knew that either way a door would be opened or closed and I would at least have another answer. A couple of weeks went by and I hadn’t heard anything. I had planned a trip with my old room mate who was returning from a year in El Salvador. We were going to spend a week together in Argentina and I was really excited about this trip because…well…lets face it…I had little else to look forward to.
ht me comfort and peace at this moment, that he spoke words of healing and hope to me…but he didn’t. He looked at me with a sorrowful look on his face, and nodded in acknowledgment. That was it. Day by day my spirits came back and I was resolved to be aimless until I heard otherwise. What else could I do? I had tried everything I could think of to this point with no avail. That lasted about a week when I got an email from AIM wanting to interview me about the World Race. The interview went well and I knew that either way a door would be opened or closed and I would at least have another answer. A couple of weeks went by and I hadn’t heard anything. I had planned a trip with my old room mate who was returning from a year in El Salvador. We were going to spend a week together in Argentina and I was really excited about this trip because…well…lets face it…I had little else to look forward to. The trip was great. Relaxing, fun, good communion with two of my favorite people. And all the worries about the future and money were put on pause for the time being. Dreading coming home I knew I would have to face the reality of getting some random job to help pay the bills and other unpleasantries of the “real world”. When I arrived in the Houston airport, I checked my phone for all my missed calls and saw that there was one from Ashley Musick. Fearing another rejection, I was in no real hurry to call her back and seeing as I was spending time in Houston with a friend that night, I figured I would deal with it when I got back to Austin.
After Driving the 2 and a half hours back in the morning I called a friend up for lunch. During our lunch convo I mentioned I had received a call from AIM. “Well lets call them back!” Relunctantly, I said ok. As I dialed the number, he
asked me, “are you nervous?” “No, not really really,” I replied, “whatever happens is God’s will…I can’t do anything to change that.”
asked me, “are you nervous?” “No, not really really,” I replied, “whatever happens is God’s will…I can’t do anything to change that.”
Ashley answered the phone and gave me the news, “We would like to extend a spot for you on the October World Race team.”
Wow…uh…well…what?…really?….I don’t really remember what she said after that…all I remember is the fumbled mess of thoughts that were floating around in my brain. When I got off the phone, I turned to my friend and said, “Now I am nervous.” God had just opened a HUGE door. The first one that had been opened in months!!! But it was a scary door…a door full of unknowns! How was I going to raise this money?! Where would we go? Can I leave my friends for a year? Can I leave my comfort?! I always said I wanted to do a longer term mission…I just didn’t think God would ask me to do it NOW! I wasn’t ready now…..but I had to ask myself…Will you ever be ready?
As my only lifeline that God offered, I walked through the door. Since, the other areas of my life have fallen into place. I have a full time job that I love working in a photography shop and am gaining valuable experience assisting other photographers. I even got an advertising internship at a magazine. My hope has been restored and God has once again turned into that vociferous coach I know on the sidelines. I realize now that once again I had tried to force my plan to conform with Gods. I was being hard headed and his only way at getting through to me was to stop talking and letting me learn that my way wasn’t going to work. It has to be his way.
Jeremiah 29:11 has probably been the verse that has stuck by me my whole life. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord. “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a future and a hope.” It is hard to listen to God all the time. Our downfall is that we think we can do it all. But sometimes it takes harsh reminding that God is our strength, our shepherd, our Father. Though he doesn’t force us to do anything…he does ask for control to be handed to him willingly. Once again He has had to show me what that means and has asked me if I will once again let him truly take the lead.
