I’m comin’ home.
It’s crazy to think of, and the thoughts come in waves
and all different emotions.
(Sometimes I picture myself at the dinner table with my family, laughing and talking.
We’re enjoying all the good food I’ve longed to eat,
the house is cheery and clean,
bright with Christmas lights and decorations. As I’m sitting there
I can’t help but wonder…
where will I keep the things no one can understand?)
In 18 days I’ll slide neatly back into where I came from.
In place of a few sweaters and one pair of jeans I’ll have a full closet.
Instead of a 6 x 3 foot space to call my own I’ll be in my huge room.
Instead of walking everywhere or cramming into a van with 13 other people and our packs I’ll have my own car with 4 empty seats and a radio to turn up as loud as I want!
I’ll live in a house where with the touch of a button I can obtain the temperature I desire (that is…if I remember how to convert Celsius back to Fahrenheit).
Don’t worry, this not an “America is such a selfish consumerist nation” rant. And no, coming back from this trip does not instantly compel me to give everything I own away. I don’t share many people’s assumption that missionaries don’t have or want nice things.
All the things I mentioned above are things I’m stoked to get back to!
If you aren’t super thankful to live in America, be reminded that we are a freaking blessed nation. I love America and it’s good food, buying new winter boots, coffee that comes in 20oz to-go cups, makeup, haircuts, parties, Christmas lights, toilets that flush, trash pickup, street lights, showers that are hot and restaurants where customer service is a real thing. I love it. I’m so blessed to have been born there.
But as I enjoy all the blessings of the USA,
I know I’ll experience those empty moments when
I miss my crazy squad, living with nothing and the
constant thrill of not knowing what adventure is next.
How will I explain the hardest year of my life?
Did I really watch hazy sunsets while listening to the wild voices of African worshippers?
Did I actually dance by myself under the most vivid stars untainted from city lights to “Beautiful Things”?
Did I really s W i N g in a hammock in India while holding tiny puppies and eating fresh berries that the little orphans picked for me?
Did I really tent on a b e a c h in Vietnam and shower in the ocean after cooking breakfast over a fire?
Did I d i v e out of my raft in a Nepali river and swim down the rapids?
Was it real when I walked barefoot in the dark through dirt streets in India praying over the huts, holding Joanna’s little hand?
Did I really get to cheer in the crowds of the Burkina Faso vs. Ghanna game in a World Cup stadium in Africa?
Did we really sit with a man in the middle of the road of Thailand’s busy night market telling him his burnt, eye-less face was beautiful?
Did I ride bikes down a dirt road surrounded by palm trees and rice fields in Cambodia with the locals?
Did I fly through a sea of g l o w i n g clouds in a l i g h t n i n g storm, mesmerized by their illuminated glory?
Was it me who lived in the Kathmandu valley and woke up to the Himalayan Mountain range surrounding me every morning?
Did I really hear God tell me I’d made it, that I’ve done this trip so well?
I can say confidently that I’ve figured out who I am and am ready for whatever’s next.
I’m in love, truly.
This month some of the squad members have expressed loss
of joy or deadness where they previously experienced
revelation and newness every day.
It finally hit me, this thing is winding down.
God’s not farther than He has been,
but this trip is coming to an end just as all things do in life.
Transitions are a challenge.
There’s a loss of direction when we complete something we’ve been working towards for so long.
There is confusion and lack of security as leadership changes and friends move on to different things.
We have the opportunity
to dwell in the past and
how things will never be
the same or to healthily
grieve the loss of that
season and move on
to the next adventure.
As with all things in life, it takes a choice.
As I took this month to think going home over I figured,
what better way to prepare myself for home than
to prepare you all with me?
After all, you are the people I’m coming back to.
You are my next family in this journey,
and God is calling me back to your loving arms.
I’m so very excited about this.
As one of my squad leaders stated,
“the way you end one season of life is how you enter the next.”
And it’s true.
I’m ending this season a little sad,
mostly happy,
changed in some ways
and just the same in others,
closer to God,
used to adventure,
and that is how I will come home.
So there will definitely be some adjusting.
This whole year will feel like a strange dream at times,
and I already wonder if I’ve done everything I remember doing.
Some people will want to know a lot,
some a little,
some will ask how my year was out of politeness,
and others will want to chat for hours.
I’m ready for it all.
I ask for patience as I readjust.
I also want you to ask questions!
Think of interesting things you want to know.
Think of unique questions you want to ask.
The top question upon coming home is usually along the lines of “what’s the craziest thing you ate?” So I’ll just get that one out of the way, it was a fried pig ear. It tasted good and wasn’t that crazy to me when I ate it, but as I thought about it, that would definitely be an unusual dish for most.
So type your questions in the comments below,
or shoot me an email! ([email protected])
I’m so excited to see you and share
the holidays and our year’s together,
19DAYS.
Love,
Rach
