(My lack of) Photo update:
Due to rather slow internet connection , (we’re practically using dialup here) I have not been able to upload many photos. So the photo blog of India and the second Fashion Blog (yay!!!) are both in the works, thank you for your patience!
Nepal update:
After a looong few days of travel: 2 Indian bus rides (complete with full length Bollywood films), 2 flights (extremely rough and bumpy…goodbye Emirates!), lots of waiting, flash mobs, coffee shots, and sleeping in an outdoor Indian airport…we finally made it to windy, colorful Nepal. The high elevation makes everything clear and calm, and the vibe here is super chill. Kathmandu is practically Asheville, NC on steroids. And due to the Himalayan mountain range all around us, we see hikers, trekkers, campers, and foreigners from all over the globe.
Gear up to climb the highest peaks in the world with your North Face 50L backpacks and camping gear at the hot price of 1,200 Rupees, a grand total of 13 dollars! It’s their summer here, but when mornings are 50 degrees I still wake up wrapped tight in my sleeping bag to a cup of hot tea. I thought our day off would ruin my bank account after I found tons of hippie clothes, hiking gear, knit headbands, woven winter hats, "Aladdin Pants", and handmade stationary, but when I added it all up it was less than 20 USD. I love Nepal.
Ministry update:
We are living at a boy’s home, all of whom have a parent or both in the local prison. They are crazy kids, and our ministry is to teach them English and ‘life lessons’. Ha…But for real, they copy foreigners and want to be just like us, so we sing worship songs with them, help with homework and play with them when they get home from school. Then on Thursdays we go to the prison to visit their parents and pray with them. It’s only been one week so far, so there will be many more stories to come about all that.
Personal update:
So I realized that my past few blogs have been full of cool photos, fashion tips, exciting updates, touching stories and videos. Not that they are irrelevant, but I really haven’t opened up to you all on what I’m personally learning and going through.
When I thought about it, it’s rather selfish not to share.
See, I don’t like people to know what I struggle with. I might tell you I walked through something hard once I’ve gotten through it, once it’s over. But invite you to know what I’m going through in the middle of the mess? Heck no! I’m supposed to be a missionary! You don’t want to know I’m messed up.
…But then again, maybe you do.
Maybe you’ll realize how to change the lives around you
when you know I struggle with the same things you do.
Maybe when you know that I stand up in villages and teach the word of God while still having big problems in my life you’ll boldly share your faith with someone today.
Even by writing this blog, the very thing I’m walking through is being fought against.
Here’s the bottom line:
I care WAY too much about what people think of me.
Way too much.
I started to realize how much of a problem this was when
God showed me some unhealthy thinking on my part.
Do you ever think things such as:
"Why do I feel like I spend more time alone than with friends?" (…even when I’m SURROUNDED by people 24/7 on this race…)
Or, "Why do I feel like I’m always pursuing others, but never being pursued?"
"Why are they hanging out and didn’t invite me?"
"…Oh, now their only inviting me out of pity…."
"I don’t add much of anything to a group; I don’t know why I even bother…"
Believe it or not, I’ve thought those things. I’m sure we all have at times.
So good news, you are normal!
Anyways, I started to ask God why we think these things as people.
I got alone, got away, and just listened.
After a few days of these conversations with God and opening up to a few of my teammates on this topic,
I came to some conclusions.
What if every time negative thoughts of self-worth or feelings of insecurities came to mind, you recognized them as lies. Really. What if many things you have thought most of your life was a lie?
Only God says who you are.
Only God.
He doesn’t accuse you of being anything other than passionately loved. Valued. Needed.
So why do we base our opinions of ourselves on what others feed us, or worse, what Satan feeds us? Their all lies. Who cares what people think of me. I am really weird. I say awkward things. I make not-funny jokes, and have felt unloved on more than one occasion.
But who cares?
God, my best friend, laughs at my weird jokes.
He needs my time.
He loves my awkward heart and takes the best care of me. He sings over me.
That’s all that matters.
There’s another side of this topic that left me asking: where is the balance between not caring about what people think, and truly caring about people?
(I tend to swing from extreme to extreme.)
So here are my deep, wise, life truths I discovered…haha…not so much,
but here are the things God told me:
-Know your value. Know who God says you are and never settle for anything less.
-Be yourself. No, really. I thought I acted myself, until I realized that I often said certain things or acted certain ways around certain people. It was subtle, but I still did it. That’s a stressful way to live. Be yourself no matter how weird you think you are. No one really cares that much, honestly.
-Include yourself the way you want others to include you. What you think about yourself is how you will act, so think of yourself as loved and needed and jump in to life. If things don’t go well, who cares? Keep going.
-Call out the good in others right when you see it. You never know who you will empower them to become. Doing this will also make your day…just sayin.
As you start thinking this way, God helps you see less of yourself and more of others.
You start caring for people like you haven’t before.
You have the freedom to not care at about affirmation from people,
but to let love flow freely from God through you to them.
So that’s it! This was a pretty vulnerable and non-flashy blog, but it’s the truth of what happens on the race, it’s what I’m learning.
And it’s so freeing.
Living each day in this freedom opens my heart up to new things, and I’m realizing how debilitating caring so much about opinions was. Some days it’s still hard, right now I’m sitting here in my room and just said something super weird that I think no one heard, so now I’m just laughing at myself about it. I love my life!
So be free. You are valued. You are chosen. If you don’t believe it, ask God.
Love,
Rach
