I would say that I make it a must to live by Gods word daily in this life before me. But a question i recently asked my myself was, Have i lived by Gods word to its fullest? And the answer is no.
One thing i truly failed in is my fears. One thing i struggle with right now id say is fearing provision for this journey and just my future because of the situation at hand. And to be completely honest I am scared that i won’t even meet my deadline coming up this month, and just to be funded for this journey. Thinking about 16 thousand dollars enough, I sometimes think to myself “what have you truly got your self into paul…”.
Thinking about my situation and looking back i was really discouraged by the way things have went. From asking people then receiving rejection as well as people trying to push me away, filling me with doubts that this trip is not for me. When things didn’t go my way i easily shrugged it off, but can honestly say i didn’t take it so well. I can easily say i trust that God will provide but didn’t truly believe that. Im a guy who loves Him so much, yet a guy who struggles to trust Him when all He’s wanted was nothing but the best and whats right for me. Part of this season is to reach out and not only to fundraise but to ask people to help me with my this vision and calling that God has set before me. Struggling with my pride from trying to be independent and do this on my own was a horrible way to go about this. And looking at things, i feel alone because of my lack of humility just to ask for help and share what God wants to do with me. But now times running out and time is crunching to fundraise to obtain Gods calling. Being so caught in flesh listening to my mind and thoughts was absolutely something i shouldn’t have listened too. But now the Holy Spirit has made it clear, and now I’m stepping out in humility, crushing all pride, living unashamed about what others think and fighting for what God has called me to do! As a man of God I am squashing the image i have because Gods image is so much bigger! $16,000 dollars is a large amount of money, but our God is so much bigger! Thinking about my circumstances, sometimes i try to analyze God and what He’ll do with my situation. But the I’ve came to conclusion that i lose grasp of knowing that God is everything! This world is Gods! He created it and owns everything in it! (Psalm 24:1) Many people forget that, its easy too! But don’t underestimate the power of our God. He is so powerful.
Thinking about back to what lead to part of this doubt and fear was that when i struggling with rejection just with people and people buying into my vision i didn’t remind myself of something. I have to remember that the world and people aren’t rejecting me, but rejecting Jesus. For many people don’t know why they do what they do, but i gotta remember they rejected him first! (Luke 10:16)
Fearing rejection or ANYTHING is not of God. Fear is the same as saying you don’t trust God if you think about it. I know that this season of attacks is really causing so much fear. But i can’t forget the armor that he has given me! And deep down i know that if satan’s attacking, I must be doing something right. Because he knows the amazing things God will do within me and he knows that God will use me to change this world. I assure of all of this because God has called me! Some people are called to “GO”, some people are called to “Pray” where they are, and some people are called to “GIVE”. God made it clear to just GO and be servant of His, showing His love and passion for us. He’s made it clear that He wants me to go out and bind up the broken hearted and set the captives free. The Lord has put this amazing anointing on my life and wants to use me. Just know that going on this trip means the world to me.
So know that i am stepping out strong as a man of God and declaring that fear is no more within me! I know that God will provide for me, without a doubt. For scriptures say “Gods gifts and callings are irrevocable.” I know God wants me to go on this. But He also has blessed me with stewardship and knowledge to use in this life before me. Through that God has made it clear i can’t make it through this life alone. Which leads me to ask you for help.
Im currently around $4,500 dollars and need to make my deadline of $7,500 dollars. God has spoke through someone to match $1,500 dollars leading to a $3,000 dollar donation, helping me meet my deadline. I ask that you consider and possibly ask God about investing in me. When people give i think oftheir generosity, in Proverbs 11:24 it talks about how generosity leads to a path of more and thought it was cool how when we give, God gives back. If your not able to help me financially thats completely fine! I ask of you to just pray for me as i raise support and endure through this time and endure this adventure. Please know that this isn’t about me either. Its about sharing Gods love and most of all advancing the Kingdom of God.
I should always fear the Lord and his power. But thinking about things with me and God after writing this, i would say the fear that was within me is GONE. Because the power of God that raised his son from the dead is within me!
