I remember when I was a kid and every once in a while my body ached with growing pains because my bones where streching inside of me faster than what my flesh allowed them too. Walking hurt, lying down hurt, it was like a deep, strong, silent pain.
The worst part was that I had no control over it. It came and went unpredictably and there was nothing I could do to help it. I think this is a very good analogy of how my first month and a half in the World Race has been.
In Cambodia, I grew in abandonment since I had to give up most of the comforts and liberties I before took for granted. Sleeping on the floor, being sweaty all day and cooking three times a day the same food every day were the biggest challenges for me.
Submitting myself to life in community and volunteering to do the work God was already doing there also meant that I had to give up my time, energy and emotions. I was also asked to give up my expectations of how everything should work and what it was going to look like. God’s ways and timing are different and higher than ours and I was asked to submit myself to them. Although all of these was something I was eagerly looking forward to, when the time came to turn it into reality, it was a lot more difficult than I expected it to be.
During this time my faith has also been stretched quite a bit. Being in Cambodia and Thailand working in different ministries has let me see everything that is out of place and that is not the way God intended it to be.
God never intended for people to be trafficked as sex slaves for prostitution. He never intended for people to live in poverty and to be forgotten by the rest of society. He never intended for children to grow without protective and loving parents by their side. He never intended for sickness to invade His creation.
We see none of this in His original creation and we cannot imagine this in our perception of what heaven will look like. I have also been able to see all the work that it takes to restore this to its proper place and my inability to make anything about it. Both points of view force me to trust God that in His goodness, He will be the one to bring the restoration needed and that He has brought us here with the purpose of letting us be part of his perfect plans.
My understanding has being stretched and challenged since most of the time I can’t get to see nor comprehend the impact of my actions on a larger perspective that only God sees. Accepting my not-understanding of things and humbling myself before the One who knows it all is probably the hardest thing I have been asked to do, but it is precisely here that true trust is born. The battle is ongoing and relentless but I have chosen to fight it and will not back down.
My perception of love has also been stretched since I started the Race. I’ve found that deeper love is found out of the boundaries of our comfort. I’ve been able to find love in a flooded soccer field where we played with kids of all ages, and ended up completely muddy from head to toe. I found love eating things I didn’t want to eat in a table where I didn’t speak the language. I found love sitting in a park bench and talking with a lady that had all-blackened teeth and awfully long toenails. I found love in all the efforts people around me made to try to teach me their language. Love is one of the most foundational parts of our faith and it has helped so much to see everything in the right perspective.
Through all of these experiences, I’ve been that kid that wants to be a grown up so that he can be able to do all sorts of things but forgets that growth takes time and sometimes pain and suffering comes with it.
I feel that this whole trip will be like that, and I will be able to see everything I’ve grown in until the end. Now that’s why I just want to enjoy the process as it is instead of keeping my eyesight on a goal I haven’t yet achieved.
I want to celebrate everything God has already done and everything He will do. For I know that He is good and that He loves me. His purpose for my life is being fulfilled as we speak.
