Climbing This Mountain
5.8.12
So for the past two weeks or so I have been feeling like I have been hiking the very top of a steep mountain…I suppose maybe that’s what it feels like when you have been traveling the world and you can almost see the top of that mountain. Although what I do know is the whole way along the mountain were some glorious views of God’s creation…take the mountains in Malaybalay Philippines for instance, or the view of Kenya’s mountain tops, or these beautiful hills I now wake up to covered in fields of dandelions, cows, ducks, and geese. It’s been a privelege to see the different angles of God’s spectacular creation; even as you travel the globe you see the stars from a different view. While I was in Africa the stars made me feel as if I were in a whole another world.
Ever since we have got to Romania I have had to remind myself to continue serving from my heart…to give it all I have got. To persist. We have been helping around the campsite getting it ready for youth to come in. Scrubbing carpets, cleaning windows, cleaning bathrooms, doing tons of laundry!, vaccuuming, scrubbing floors, scraping paint off of the floor, dishes, and this has been a huge month of serving. I think when I thought of Romania I thought I would meet gypsies and get out into the community but God had another plan.
What I do know is that although sometimes fatigue sets in or the enemy tries to steal my joy with discouragement or doubt; the Lord’s love and persistence for me continues. Even when my health isn’t 100%. About a week ago I had an infection and had the interesting experience of visiting a Romanian hospital…I of course only visited for a short few hours to get blood-work done. After that I was sent to another hospital. It was challenging not really knowing the language; wondering what is really happening. I did have a translator with me so that was helpful. Thankfully & because the Father is a good healer I am feeling much better! Exhaustion, disorientation, loss of fluids, nutrients…these are all things that can set in if you are not properly taking care of yourself after a really steep long, hike up a mountain. What I have been finding is that these are things that I am experiencing this month.
I am trying to blend two worlds together. Who I was, Who I am, Who I am growing to be. There were some great parts of my character before the World race which have been shaken up a bit; tested and tried if I might say. Some vines that were not from God were pruned & he has been chiseling away at me. Sometimes it’s hard to process what is happening while you live in community; the alone moments are few and far in between. However this IS what the Lord called me into. Even having intimate relationships with my brothers and sisters has been way more of a challenge that I intended it to be. I didn’t realize my lack of true, authentic, loving relationships in my life previously. Yes I had a great group of small group girls whom I loved and still dearly love; but when you live with people 24/7 this changes dynamics. When you live with brothers this also changes dynamics. You have to dig to the deepest parts of your soul and spirit to fight to love each other. Even when offenses happen (and believe me they will), you have to learn to look past them, forgive and to choose trust. Trust is a choice. Letting down walls is a choice.
I have to say that a lot of the world race, my walls were still up a little bit. Some have been knocked down…some have been knocked down, and built back up, while others are open. Vulnerability; you have to choose to open up and share with the family God has given you or your thoughts and feelings can start to consume you or get the best of you. Sure not everyone you meet while on the world race is expected to be a best friend, but I do believe the Father put each and every person in my path for a reason. He has a purpose and plan and there is still a little less than two months left. I think one of the hardest parts of this last part of the hike is remembering that the top is near. Some days it seems so far away even though we have less than 50 days left.
When you go, and go, and travel as much as we have, change continents 3 times, you think it will never stop…you start to get used to this as being the way you live your life. I wonder if when I go home I will feel this need to get up and go, to see a new place, to meet new faces. I know this journey has ignited change in my spirit, in who I am, and in who I am becoming…Although I can’t seem to explain just what this is right now I trust the Lord in that it is something beautiful. That Woman of God that he intended for me to be. That Woman of honor, integrity, trust, full of joy, peace, hope, self-control and the Father’s love. So I will climb on and upward. Knowing that the top is near and that this isn’t the only mountain God has for me. This could just be a tiny one in perspective. Steeper mountains could be ahead so I will enjoy the climb for what it is. Take it all in. Breathe it in. Breathe it out. Knowing that the top of the mountain is going to be all worth it.
Lately I can’t stop singing the song “The Climb”…the lyrics speak so much to me and where I am at. Knowing that I can trust God as I am climbing this mountain. Learning to climb with my arms open to the Father.
“I know that I can trust you. I lean not on my own understanding…my life is in the hands of the maker of Heaven. I know that I can trust you so give me your heart to love to God.”-Will Reagan & The United Persuit
