11-12-11
After sharing my testimony last night with my new team, I realized that God has done a tremendous amount in my life in such a short amout of time. Which is something that is very hard to put into words. Especially after telling a messy, yet beautiful story of redemption. I have been through a lot of trials, tribulations, personal struggles & battles; through heartaches, spiritual warfare, and depression. God has lifted me out and up into the light of his love and presence despite circumstances or a sinful past. He has decided to pour out his favor upon me & my life for some reason beyond my comprehension.
Some people think that once you are saved you are good. God has your name written in his book and your sins are forgiven. We shouldn’t question it; we should just accept and embrace that forgiveness. What I have discovered, is that, yes this forgiveness is real and true. We have to hold onto it. We have to cling to God’s love for us, and we have to believe it in faith. We have to believe it despite our circumstances, despite what our life says. Our life might say that we aren’t loved,but God says we are. It is seeing past that thickness and sometimes darkness, and searching within our heart for that love, which has been there the entire time. It’s embracing a fresh start and a forgiven life. So many people think Christianity is just rules and religion….I like to think of it as freedom, life, and love. It is the breath I need. It is what sustains me. It carries me. God is my redeemer, and heart wouldn’t be complete with the reality of him if I didn’t know of his deep and unchanging love.
After being saved and accepting Jesus in my heart at age 13, you would think that my life would have only started looking up. It was for a while, but then the downward spiral started throughout my teenage years into college. I was looking for acceptance in all the wrong ways… Little by little, I started to believe the lies of the enemy over the truth of what my Father says about me. I opened my heart and let scars happen.
What I didn’t realize is that although scars heal, they are still there, and still a part of me. They are a part of what makes me who I am today. When I open up the scars and take off those bandaids, God can wash over the wounds and heal them, one by one. God has been telling me who I am & the Godly woman he is making me into. Although the scars might still hurt underneath, when they are exposed God can allow the salf water of his oceans of love to crash over them and begin healing. So many of us are afraid of exposure. Exposure of truth. We hide in solitute hoping for an answer to come.
I want to testify to God’s love and be honest, real, and true to what he has done and continues to do in my life through the words that I say and through my actions. I have been very far from a perfect Christian throughout my life. When I am reminded that God wants to use me despite my past & circumstances by characters in the Bible such as Paul who used to kill Christians, I begin to understand that I am WORTHY.
God can use my wounds which have undergone healing, to bring that healing to another person with those same wounds. God can use my wounds to prevent other’s from getting those same wounds by sharing what they look like. I might still have tiny scars and glimses of the pain but the scars are cleansed. Much like the oceans salty waters heal open wounds. It might sting, but it brings a cleansing. I have been open with peices of my heart to invite that healing in. Healing has no limits because we serve a God who doesn’t work within limits.
In the process, God has brought me restoration in my heart, soul & mind. He has been healing all these pieces of my heart. Even the pieces I thought were already healed have been lifted out of those hidden places. When you live in community all things get exposed. You are constantly surrounded by your sisters & brothers and so there is no place to hide. This allows for reality and truth to happen. For real life & realness to surface.
My heart is so thankful that the Lord has chosen me to love & exhibit the love of his son. To share this joy and fulfillment of spirit with those around me. To bring down glimpses of heaven throughout the world.
God help us all to learn what scars and wounds means. Let us not beat ourselves up about the wrong we have done, but to realize that without those experiences we wouldn't be who we are today. We wouldn't be able to understand the depths and magnitude of your love.
