We are very excited to be celebrating our third wedding anniversary tomorrow! God has provided for us above and beyond our needs this month by placing us here in Chiang Mai where we will be able to have a great time going to waterfalls, western restaurants, playing with elephants and relaxing together. We thought this was an appropriate time, it being our anniversary and being 9 months into the race to answer the frequently asked question, “So, how’s married life on the race?” For all who have asked, here is an honest look into the life of this World Race couple! Here are 11 things that are a part of our daily life on this 11 month mission trip!
1. We have had our own space.
This has been a huge blessing for us! Our leaders and teammates have been very generous and sacrificial in allowing this to happen. Our “space” ranges from our own room, a living room, or our tent. Our sleeping arrangements have ranged from a double bed, two singles pushed together, two bunk beds pushed together, or no bed and we use our sleeping pads. Even though this is very different from having our own home, we are extremely grateful to have had a space just for us each month, especially since this is not always a guarantee for married couples on the race. While we have had our own space, it isn’t always private. In Malaysia, we stayed in the church’s sanctuary while the rest of our team slept upstairs. One morning we were awoken by our host coming into the sanctuary and 12 children rushing at us giggling…awkward. Each month we try our best to be flexible and work with what is provided. God has always provided for us in giving us our own space for ourselves!
2. We live in constant community.
In the States, we lived in an apartment including the two of us and our dog. Constantly living with at least 5 other people took some getting used to. Before we left Chattanooga, we had a very limited community and then going to having 40+ squad mates was a huge change. On the race, we are almost always with at least 5 other teammates living and ministering together. It has been great practice for having our own family one day. Not because our teammates act like children, but because we have been forced to always consider others instead of just our spouse. Our teammates see our good days and our bad days, just as family does and this helps us to be more aware of how we are treating each other. The race has also reinforced the fact that we need to be a part of a strong community of believers so that we can be encouraged and held accountable as a couple and as individuals.
3. Sometimes we are together 24-7, other times we’re not.
We have felt blessed that through most of the race, we have been able to live together and do ministry together as well! Some months, we hardly spend a moment apart. Then other months we have “manistry” or we have separate ministries due to our differing strengths and giftings. We try to take what we can get and always cherish the time we have together. While there are some months where we are always together, that does not necessarily mean we are getting quality time together. The World Race has helped with this by requiring us to take a half day off of ministry each week. This time always helps us remember to be intentional in having regular alone time where we focus on each other. We have found this to be very important throughout the race.
4. We feel empowered individually and as a couple.
Our squad has been such an encouragement to us and our marriage. There have been many times where someone will come around and make sure we have everything we need or we have a space for ourselves. It is always special when we are able to answer questions or tell fun stories from our relationship because a teammate takes the time to ask. We know that the World Race has given us space to minister using our gifts as individuals. They have also given us the space to work together as a couple to achieve something even greater. While there have unfortunately been times that individuals are not encouraging, this has brought us closer together and made us stronger in the long run. Any adversity we have faced we have overcome with the Lord’s help and has made us a better couple.
5. We give and receive feedback for each other and our teammates.
The World Race is huge on feedback and it has become a part of life. We have always felt free to speak into each others lives, but it is new to have so much freedom to encourage and speak into the lives of others. This process of feedback has strengthened our marriage and how we encourage one another and push each other towards excellence. It will be a part of our lives in the future.
6. We try to have as few expectations as possible.
Having high expectations on the World Race is a terrible idea as very rarely does anything work out exactly as we think it will. Developing countries are always surprising, ministry in these places even more so. We learned very quickly to go into every new situation with low to no expectations as it is less likely to lead to disappointment. This applies largely when it comes to romance. We can plan a date and due to things totally outside of our control, it can go very differently than we had planned. We try to focus on enjoying having time together, choosing to be romantic while trying to embrace whatever circumstances we find ourselves in (such as the date pictured below, where the bug zapper was our live music for the evening).
7. We have to keep our priorities straight.
As we travel around the world, there is so much in the trip to distract us. Internet, tourist sites, or our own homesickness. However, we have been called into the mission field for ministry and the advance the Kingdom of God. We have also been called to one another as man and wife! Throughout our time on the field, we have had to maintain the priority that after our relationship with God, our marriage comes first. In conferences we have helped lead with missionary couples, we have learned that it can be easy to put the ministry, other people, or other things before our relationship with one another. As with any other priority, this has caused us to say no to some opportunities so we could focus on our marriage. While these are sometime hard decisions to make, in the long run it has strengthened our ministry, our relationships with others, and our marriage!
8. Communication can be very different on the race than when we are at home.
Before leaving on the race, we felt that communication was one of our greatest strengths. We have been very grateful for this since being on the field has pushed our communication skills further than we had expected. This stems from constant community, lack of control, working with non-English speakers, and Satan trying to disrupt our communication. We had to work very hard at the beginning of the race to remain healthy in the way we communicated and now we feel that even though we don’t always do this perfectly, the Lord has strengthened the way we communicate with one another.
9. We still have sex regularly.
The frequency of sex changes with each season of life, each couple has their own idea of “regular.” As we mentioned above, we try and have few expectations while on the mission field, this goes doubly for how frequently we have sex. Each new ministry site yields its own unique challenges and we have needed to make this area of life a priority. Sometimes that means staying in a hotel for a night when we are living in a place where we are sweating constantly, or heading to bed before the rest of the team so we can get alone time. This area really encapsulates a great deal of what has already been talked about and gives us more of a reason to focus on prioritizing our marriage, having low expectations, and communicating our needs. We have also been so blessed to travel and see so many things together! This definitely helps keep things exciting for us and it has reminded us that having adventures together every once in a while helps us to not get swept up in an every day routine and helps keep the flame alive!
10. We are grateful for the little things (because they really aren’t that little).
Since we can’t always be as intimate as we want to be, snuggling and hand holding have become very special to us. We realize that if we aren’t able to have as much one on one time as we desire, these small touches are important as they are a way for us to show our love to one another. It’s always special when we get to stay in a place with a real bed and air conditioning as it allows us to be more comfortable. Another thing we are grateful for is opportunities to have a little PDA since it’s frowned upon in some places. Being able to share a quick kiss in public or cuddle in a movie theater always connect us and we try to never take these times for granted. We have been constantly reminded that the small romantic gestures are never small and do a lot to create intimacy and closeness. This is something we want to keep in mind as we go back to the states where these gestures are regular and more expected as we never wish to take them for granted and stop cherishing them like we do now.
11. Ministering and traveling together makes us stronger.
Marriage is not just about focusing on the two of us, but also about ministering to others together! Having the opportunity to do this frequently has been a joy and something we have wanted for a very long time. We are incredibly blessed by the opportunity to do this on a regular basis and wish to do it more in the future. While we are fully capable of doing ministry apart, we have seen through the race how important it is to engage in ministry as a couple regularly. Sacrificing ourselves and our time to minister helps us to stay kingdom focused instead of focusing in on only ourselves. God uses these opportunities to draw us closer to Him and closer together as a couple because we get to see first-hand God working through our spouse to bless someone else.
It was very encouraging for us to write this blog, because through it, the Lord showed us how he has grown us in these ways! We definitely struggled with some of these things, and we still do at times, but this was a great reminder for us to focus on our growth instead of weaknesses where we need to grow, which we tend to focus on more often.
We want to say thank you to all the supporters of our marriage: our teammates (past and present), who have sacrificed much for us, put in earbuds so we could have a private conversation, and been our cheerleaders in many ways, and our friends and family back home who having been praying for us and have given us advice and encouraged us in our relationship!
To those couples who may be looking into The World Race, we would love to talk with you and share our experiences with you if you are looking for guidance. Please feel free to contact us if you have any questions, even if we have never met you!
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One of the other things that are a part of our daily life as a couple on The World Race is paying doubly for any personal expenses. This can be frustrating as we enjoy being financially independent and getting a paycheck for our personal finances as we did before we left. Since this obviously isn’t possible on the race, God has taught us great lessons in trusting him and he has always provided what we have needed through our amazing supporters! For those looking to help support us financially to cover the cost of our flight back home and other monthly expenses that our trip funding does not cover, please visit gofundme.com/theturvins.
