“Have you ever been called intimidating, overly-confident, or strong-willed?”
This was the first question asked at the breakout session about using your influence. Immediately, I was hooked as I have been called all of those things. The speaker encouraged women to accept the influence that God has given us in our lives, reminded us of Deborah, and helped us understand the responsibilities of using any influence God gives to us. Without ever realizing it, I grew up feeling apologetic for any roles of leadership I was given, because I’ve never wanted to come across as controlling or prideful. Additionally, I had been praying that God would show me how I could support people on my team without being in a leadership role.
The Lord showed me that I don’t have to lead to have influence.
Even as I read back over that statement, I think “Duh!” but somehow along the way, this was never brought to my attention! Steve Graves explains the difference between influence and leadership beautifully*.
- Leadership is visible; influence is out of sight
- Leadership is usually conscious; influence is often unconscious
- Leadership is contained; influence crosses boundaries
- Leadership is immediate; influence is long-term
- Leadership is public; influence is often behind the scenes
- Leadership is formulaic; influence is mysterious
- Leadership captivates culture; influence drives culture
- Leadership is the tip of the iceberg; influence is the mass under the surface
- Leaders act on people; influence affects people and outcomes
I know there are other women out there who, like me, have lived in fear of overstepping boundaries in Biblical leadership. This fear has overshadowed the truth that God has given both men AND WOMEN areas of influence to bless those around them. If God has given you influence, do not waste it by trying to retreat into yourself.
Allow God’s influence in your life to be reflected in your influence in your friend group, at work, at home, at church and in all areas of your life.
Standing in confidence of God’s work in my life brought me such a beautiful freedom in the way I interact with others. I honestly wanted to fade into the background during camp because I did not want to be seen as trying to be a leader, I really wanted to focus on humility. God certainly showed me through many sweet people speaking his heart to me that influence is often unconscious. Paul gives us a perfect example of how to balance humility and influence in Romans 15:17-18
“Therefore I glory in Christ Jesus in my service to God.I will not venture to speak of anything except what Christ has accomplished through me in leading the Gentiles to obey God by what I have said and done.”
This understanding of humility and influence was freeing in many ways, but had the biggest impact in my relationship with Matt. During the session, the speaker told us the following story…
A group of single men were asked, “If you have a daughter someday and took her to Disney World, how would you plan the trip?” There were two types of answers. Some replied that they would plan everything out, keeping in mind all her favorite princesses and avoiding any rides she couldn’t go on. The second response was that the man would want his daughter to take him by the hand and walk with him joyfully around the park, choosing which attractions to go to along the way. Even if she had disappointments by not getting to do all she hoped, he would delight in seeing her experience the park on her own time.
The second type of man is still leading his daughter, but delights in watching her explore the world around her. My sweet husband is very much this man. I now understand that he knows the strengths and joys God has given me and feels honored to walk alongside me and support me in those times. This is a servant leadership that I am extremely humbled by and allows me to follow my husband’s leading in our lives more easily because I know his desire above all else is to bring glory to God.
I look forward to applying this teaching to the World Race in this next year and I pray that God continues to show me how to humbly use any influence he gives me to confidently point towards my all-powerful Father.
