I’ve been spending a good amount of time over the past month in thought about how the increase of depth in my faith has played a role in changing my life. Looking at my past and how my secular life has unfolded with relation to where I was at spiritually has shown me how a change in one has influenced the other. I have found, to no surprise, when my spiritual life takes a back seat to this world, my life starts going downhill.
I have noticed how I have placed each aspect of my life in its own compartment and category, including my spiritual life. As my relationship with God strengthens, the number of these categories decreases. With this I have found less chaos in my thought process and in the organization of my life.
I think a good visual aid of how our minds work is a pie chart (stick with me here). The area of each slice is dependant on the amount of time and energy we spend there. We only have a finite amount of time and energy, so as the size of a slice increases consequentially others decrease. When we have every aspect of our lives as their own slice the result are more slices (elementary, I know). When we increase the number of these slices, even though we always have the same amount of time and energy, the outcome is a lot of pretty small pieces of pie.
You’ve probably heard the saying “Quality over quantity” … I think it’s pretty applicable in this aspect of our lives. It’s hard to have quality in our lives when we are satisfied and content with a lot of little things.
I have been somewhat of a control freak over the past few years because of my lack of trust in others. By trusting only in myself I have eliminated risks and my dependency on others. But with that I have had a lot of little slices taking away my time and energy. I have also been exposed to some emptiness because I have relied on myself to fill holes that God did not intend for me to fill.
Proverbs 28:26 – “He who trusts in himself is a fool.”
Harsh words for me to say about myself, but as I slowly remove the trust I have in myself and give it to God, the more I can sit back and acknowledge how foolish I was (and still am with many things) to rely and trust only in myself. While I’m still finding my way in this thing called trust, I have found myself giving away more and more of my trust and the dependence I have on myself to God.
I’m diligently placing all the slices of pie in my life into the slice highlighted by my faith. The more trust I give to God, the less control I feel the need to have. Where we have a finite amount of time and energy, God has infinite. The more of ours we give to Him, the more space we open for Him to give His to us.
Proverbs 3:5-6 – “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.” (One of my favorite verses – If you have one of my wristbands, check out the inside of it.)
My journey in these things is far from over and it’s one I’ll have to work on for the rest of my life. I am finding that the more I discover about this life, the more I see there is a vast amount of things I don’t know. And for the first time in my life I can say that I’m okay with that.
In college I recall talking to a professor about some philosophy regarding if nature acts randomly or statistically. At the end of our discussion he said to me, “Marius, you’re going to have to accept that sometimes in life you aren’t going to know the answer.” I remember thinking about how that was the most unsatisfying answer anyone had ever given me. As I look back on that vivid conversation, I now can appreciate the wisdom he shared with me that day.
I’ve noticed an easy way to fail in making the changes I desire in my life is by trying to make change an external thing, rather than an internal one. Trying to forget about something or neglecting it is not the right way of getting rid of it. You have to acknowledge not only that it exists, but that the outcome of it lies in Gods will, not our own.
A problem we have in this world is depending on others to be a barrier between God and ourselves. We use pastors or other religious idols as a rug to sweep our problems under. We think as long as we are under them, God will not see our true hearts and will show favor on us…but that is an external change. We need to get out from under the rug and make ourselves our own spiritual figure.
Jesus said in John 14:16-17 – “And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever – the Spirit of truth…you know him, for he lives with you and is in you.”
The Holy Spirit lives IN us. We need to make changes in our life INternally and we do this by changing where our time and energy is focused on. When we make external changes in hopes to create internal changes we will fail miserably (I have every time). But when we make internal ones, the external ones will follow.
Making the internal change to give my life to God hasn’t been an easy one, and is still something I’m far from succeeding in. It’s causing me to give up control and my own desires, but my efforts are already rewarding my soul in ways I can’t explain.
“He who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life.” – Galatians 6:8
One of the books I am currently studying is Proverbs. I find it no coincidence that it has 31 chapters in it. It helps us with “acquiring and disciplined and prudent life” even during the longest months of the year. The chapter I read each day is that of the day I read it on. If you would like to join me in this, I would love to hear your insight on whatever you feel is a verse you find depth in. Hearing your perspective is better than only seeing mine.
Feel free to send a message even if it’s not in Proverbs. I would love to dig in with you.
With Love,
Marius
