august 29th is the day of my birth and i have now been alive for nearly 22 years. i’ve been reflecting a lot on my journey in life and the story i have been living. i believe stories are meant to be shared, so here is mine.
my childhood was beautiful and full. lovely gatherings of family, running free until dark, the comfort and security of home, having a limitless imagination, days that lasted lifetimes. life was sweeter than honey. thanks to my precious family and the wild pursuit of my savior, my heart was grounded in a love deeper than i could even understand at such an early age. it was a gift and i was free. my heart was very sensitive to the spirit and i felt deeply for the hearts of the people around me.
as time passed and i got older, i became confused about how my faith was supposed to translate into life around me. confusion lead to frustration which lead to lack of zeal. i became more interested in the workings of the world, in flesh and not spirit. little did i know that through my quiet rebellion, i was stepping into slavery and into a pitiful state of bondage. sowing to flesh always reaps corruption. i abused my freedom and i abused grace. i became desensitized to the lies of the enemy and mistook them for truth. i walked down a painful road of depression, aimless and hurting because of the separation i created with my savior.
as i wandered, my savior showed me the story of hosea and gomer. god asked hosea to marry a prostitute named gomer. hosea’s obedience gifted him with a look into the father’s heart for his people. in the same way that gomer continued to leave hosea to pursue other lovers, god’s people turned from his love to pursue the world.. but god’s love tolerates no rivals. god relentlessly pursues his people, just like hosea pursued his wife in her wandering. god desires for his people to return to a love relationship with him where we call him “my husband” and no longer “harsh master”. the story of hosea and gomer unveiled my blindness. i was blind to my heavenly father’s heart and his love, but mostly to his faithfulness. blind to the one and only thing that could every truly satisfy my spirit. blind to the work of the cross and all he saved me from. blind to his presence in my life and the blessings that he continually poured out.
the same god that i felt had abandoned me as i wandered away from him, then revealed his heart to me. he told me “even to your old age i am he, and to gray hairs i will carry you. i have made you, i will carry you, i will sustain you and i will rescue you” (Isaiah 46:4). he continues to lavish his love upon me daily, reminding me of his faithfulness over and over and over again. how could one ever wander away from a love as beautiful as this? what a revelation from the very heart of god.
my savior is everything to me. my only reason for being. the very essence of life. my desire is to live in devotion to him and all that he calls me to.
now, he is leading me to sojourn around the world.
now, he is giving me a better understanding of his heart.
now, he is revealing to me the identity he has prepared for me to walk in.
now, he is showering me with grace as i grow.
amazing grace, oh how sweet the sound
that saved a wretch like me.
i once was lost but now i’m found,
was blind but now i see.
~ dear loved ones, please keep me in your prayers as this story continues to unfold. today is my last day in nepal and tomorrow i move on to cambodia. i have so much love for you all and am missing you already.
