“O God, whose will conquers all, there is no comfort in anything apart from enjoying Thee and being engaged in Thy service; Thou art all in all, and all enjoyments are what to me Thou makes them, and no more. I am well pleased with Thy will, whatever it is.. I rejoice to think that all things are at Thy disposal, and it delights me to leave them there.”
~ v a l l e y o f v i s i o n ~
T R A I N I N G
Loved ones,
I just spent ten days in the woods of Georgia, training for my journey to Africa, Asia and the Caribbean Islands. The days were long, uncomfortable, beautiful and full of revelations. Not only was I tested physically, but much more so spiritually. My team is made up of nearly 50 wonderful people, all with the same restless heart for adventure and ministry. I have never been so sure in my entire life that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. A long time ago, He told me that He was preparing me to be sent out and He gave me a vision of the tent community that I would be part of. He gifted me with a glimpse of His plans. God has been equipping me for such a time as this.
The physical aspect of training definitely wore me out. Some nights we slept in our own tents or in a hammock outside, some nights we slept communally – either in bigger tents or inside a building for an “airport simulation” (getting a taste of what would happen if we had to sleep in an airport – with lights on all night long and loud airport sound effects going over the speakers), one night we even slept outside together under tarps in a thunderstorm. Some days our packs were taken from us and we had to make due with what others were willing to share. Some mornings we exercised together. We had to pass a fitness test which consisted of walking a certain distance in a specific amount of time with our heavy backpacks on (my shoulders were speckled with bruises afterwards). We ate together, taking on the customs and traditions of the cultures we would be apart of this year. Sometimes this meant eating without plates or silverware, sitting on the ground, women serving men, wearing scarves on our heads, and never serving ourselves or asking for more. We took bucket showers and used porta pots. We walked through a wild foreign market simulation to prepare us for where we would find ourselves in other countries and how we would react to the chaos. We were actively participating in activities and training sessions, physically and mentally for 10 days continuously. Let’s just say I’m not surprised I came home sick and 5 pounds lighter, but also with a spirit that had been softened, strengthened and filled.
The spiritual aspect of training was beautiful. During the beginning sessions of teaching and worship, there was a lot of emphasis on dealing with our pasts.. on forgiveness, healing, and grieving the seasons of our lives. It is difficult to be effective in ministry when we are dragging our demons along with us. As humans we deal with loss in our lives. We don’t like pain, so we avoid grieving and expressing our sorrow. But if we do not grieve, we deaden our hearts and we begin to compartmentalize our lives. Refusal to grieve loss causes hearts to harden. I quickly realized a lot about myself and the state I was in. I was willing to go where God had called me, but I hadn’t truly been willing to deal with my wrecked internal state. God was giving me the opportunity to shed weight and help me dig up the dirt that I had pushed down so deep in my soul for years. I sobbed as He helped me loosen my grip on the things I allowed to haunt me. How strange it is that we hold on to what destroys us. I learned that I cannot conquer what I don’t confront. So I grieved my painful seasons of rebellion, selfishness, loneliness and depression. I rejected the lies of the enemy who harassed me with fear, doubt, bitterness, and self hatred. I also surrendered all that I could not control.. the painful memories of the suffering I had witnessed and the lives I loved that had been lost. My burdens were lifted as Jesus reminded me of His love for me, even at my darkest.
“You are my child and I am well pleased with you.”
The Spirit of God was intricately working in each person to bring healing and liberation from our bondage. Chains were truly broken as we worshiped together. I prayed that the Spirit of God would fall afresh on me. I prayed that He would wake me up, reveal His heart, and fill me with His Spirit. I listened to story after story about the power of God – healings, miracles, the gifts and empowerment of the Spirit.. things I truly didn’t know much about. I asked for discernment for I find myself to be somewhat of a skeptic at times. Why didn’t I believe that the Author of life could do these things? I realized that it was because of the limitations of my own experiences and fear of something I didn’t understand. How dare I put limitations on God. As I listened to the stories I felt that God was showing me what was available to me in my walk with Him. The session was drawing to an end and people began to worship as the speaker invited us to a time of prayer. He prayed for everyone, but told us to come forward if we so wished. Now, let me explain something.. I am not THAT person.. the one who ever goes forward. I avoid it at all costs. Even when I feel called to go, I refuse. However, this time as the invitation was given, my spirit said “YES” within me and my feet just started walking. My eyes were closed and I was literally trembling before God. I pleaded with Him to fill me up and baptize me with His Spirit, to produce the fruit and gifts He had planned for my life, and to empower me for the work of His Kingdom. I was physically vibrating from the inside out. People were worshiping in tongues and falling to the ground before our King. I fell to my knees and cried. Never have I been so touched and so filled and so at peace.
The distance between me and my Savior was bridged with genuine intimacy this week. He tore down my walls, opened my heart and revealed Himself to me. I knelt in awe of my Redeemer, my Healer, and my King with tears running down my face. His praise will forever be on my lips.. and He continues to call me deeper, still. I am nothing but a vessel. The work of the Kingdom will not be done by me, but by God through me in as much as I am willing to be used.
This is my heart and these reflections are only a small
portion of what God has worked in me this week..
(training also dealt with our identities in Christ and practical aspects of ministry)
{ If I could ask anything of each of you, it would be to pray. Prayer is so powerful. Pray against the attack of the enemy. Pray that the Holy Spirit would begin to work in the lives of the people that my team is going to reach out to. Pray that I would be devoted and filled every morning with more of Jesus. Pray that things would fall together as I apply for visas and purchase the remainder of my supplies. Pray that the rest of my funds would flow through. Pray that my heart and spirit would continue to be equipped as I prepare to leave home. }
thank you again and again for your constant love.
~ always love ~
I am now 90% funded with $1,585 left to go! After my goal has been reached, extra donations will go towards the general Adventures in Mission fund and no longer to me (unless given to me specifically). Thank you!
