He asked for intimacy.
And of course I wanted it.
So I asked Him right back for it.
But intimacy doesn’t just come because you ask for it. It’s a simple fact of relationship. A relational God and relational creatures made in His image cannot create intimacy out of one-sided pursuit.
In light of that, Jesus has gently challenged me. He has called me into a more intense level of trust, which is such a foundational element of intimacy. Throughout the past couple of weeks, He has relentlessly implanted the theme of trust in my heart. I’m so grateful that in His infinite grace, He peels back and reveals things at just the right time, when I need to know and work on it… when, again by His grace, I am able to work on it. How timely that I’ve been receiving prophetic words about ‘renewing the vows’ between me and my Lover.
That said, I definitely had to shake off my mindset of measurement. Thanks to some remnants of a performance-based history, I have this annoying tendency to question if I have “enough” of something, as if there’s some way to actually gauge where I stand compared to perfection (ahem, Jesus). First of all, there’s no point trying because that’s an insult to the blood and the cross. And second, I’m already perfect in the fully redeemed state that God—in that He’s beyond time and understanding—sees me, while I am momentarily in this earthly form that is defined (though not bound) by time and space and the natural realm. Seriously, the gospel is one big paradoxical mystery… (#alwaysmindblowing!)
So when I ask myself if I have not trusted enough, I can’t dwell on any lack of trust as my motivation. I repent and look onward and upward, to the cross that gives me the grace to even trust in the first place. I delight in the simple ability to trust because of who Jesus is and therefore who I now am.
It’s the line we always sing in ‘How He Loves’: I don’t have time to maintain this regret when I think about the way He loves us.
Yeah. That.
Move on and do what I can do because of His perfect love.
No regrets, no fears. Just excitement for whatever’s ahead because as hazy as the details seem now, the most important fact is crystal clear: it’s going to be a wildly romantic, fulfilling adventure that gives the true King all glory. And when I think of it that way, I suppose the rest is simply that: minor details.
Well, then. Here’s to a tough but renewed trust without borders.
I trust You to continue to awaken my passions, birth/nurture my dreams, give me boldness to dream big and expect big. I trust You with reconciliation within my family and with the future marriage/family that I desire. I trust You with music, creativity, friendships, and daily life. I trust You with CGA and Kingdom Journeys. I trust You to trust me with decisions and with hearing You. I trust that it only gets better because the best is truly yet to come.
