Now what I didn’t mention in my previous blog about my mess is that my breaking point was two days before my birthday. I hated it at the time but it was actually perfect timing
My team’s secret plan for my birthday fed my insecurities. I’d been feeling unloved and while I didn’t want my birthday to be a big deal, I later learned that my DoZ sisters had intentionally been making me feel neglected. (Haha, their words, not mine.) It might sound mean, but it was all part of the plan.
They told me that we’d be having some unknown visitors on Saturday and that we’d have to clean up the place and entertain them. So we’d do ministry during the day and then do something for a birthday dinner. I was fine with this, but I think in my self-absorbed, defeated mindset I was feeling even more unloved than they intended for. I wasn’t entitled to a free day or even to quality time with my DoZ sisters, yet I guess that’s what I’d been expecting.
But it’s good because this silly birthday secret they had going actually revealed more in me that I needed to deal with. It confirmed and added to my doubts, so it was another item on the list of things to release to God.
After my initial breakdown, I spent that day and the next sitting with the Lord and bringing my junk to Him. The Spirit humbled then comforted me. I realized that all I wanted for my birthday was to be in the presence of Jesus, to hear clearly from Him, and to be in joyful company. Funny that I was the one who needed my joy restored. I prayed through Psalm 51 (a go-to for me when I need to realign myself), and I begged God to restore my joy. And I started asking Him to reveal Himself in big ways on my birthday. I told myself not to feel bad about being needy or selfish or demanding… because even if I was being that way, I knew He could handle it. After hearing everyone else’s stories of intimacy with God, I just wanted it to be my turn to experience something. And this time I wasn’t afraid to ask for it! My heart couldn’t have been more ready. After all, God wants us to ask for things, especially if they have to do with knowing Him better. So I had nothing to lose. I also had a feeling He was finally about to show up big time!
A teammate asked me, “If you could do anything on your birthday, what would it be?”
I mulled over it. Then, “Okay, this might sound uber holy… But honestly, I just want to worship and be prophesied over. If I’m having trouble hearing from God, I can at least ask other people to hear on my behalf, right?”
And that night, my wish was already coming true! For team time, we had iPod worship and gave words of prophecy/encouragement to each other. We danced and laughed and got warm in the frigid winter air. It felt like the team’s most free-spirited worship session yet. I received so many sweet words from my sisters and fervently took notes so I wouldn’t forget them. It was exactly the boost of joy and energy I’d asked for. Boom! Two prayers answered almost immediately!
The next morning, I thought we’d be going on a 7am run. But at 6:30am, my team paraded into my room, shouting, “Wake up! Wake up! It’s your birthdayyy!” and surrounding me on my sleeping mat while singing Happy Birthday. What an awesome way to start off my 23rd!
They proceeded to tell me that everything had been a trick, and that of course we weren’t doing ministry that day. Instead, we’d be going on a hiking adventure! I love that they know my desire for adventure. Sooo yeah… I was legitimately shocked and impressed with them for planning and pulling that off.
We took several kumbis (taxi vans, common public transport in Swazi) out to Mbabane and then to Sibebe Rock. Even the ride there was gorgeous. I had no idea how long or difficult the hike would be, but I was pumped. We found out it would be about 2.5 hours up and 1.5-2 hours down.
This place was ridiculous. Breathtaking. Never been anywhere like it. I actually couldn’t stop saying wow. I had asked for big things and what bigger thing is there than God’s majestic creation itself! He even gave me the perfect weather I’d asked for! A warm and sunny day in Swazi winter. The light breeze became a crazy wind up on the rocks, but it felt absolutely amazing. Endless fields and hills, grass blades rolling like waves in the wind. And rocks! So many boulders of so many shapes and sizes, convenient for climbing, viewing, photographing. I could just imagine God having fun scattering the rocks over the mountain like sprinkles over ice cream.
After the beautiful 4-hour excursion, we went to town for food. Dusk fell quickly and we hurried to the station for kumbis back home. But the first one we got tried to take advantage of us by asking for double the rate to drive back. We resisted, but they were quite persistent. As I was praying, one of our Swazi friends randomly showed up! He was the friend who drove us to our ministry site at the start of the month. What are the chances he’d bump into us? (Thanks, Jesus!) He stood up for us and tried to talk the rate down, but they didn’t budge. Finally, he told us he’d drive us! As we walked away, he said, “That was not fair. They were trying to take advantage of you… They do not know that you are princesses of the Kingdom!”
As if the day hadn’t been awesome enough, we got back and my team brought out apple tart! One thing after another, God showered me with thoughtful surprises. But what truly made the day possible was the Lord’s restoration of my joy the prior night. My gratitude is overflowing, as is my excitement for this next year of life. If it’s going to beat my 22nd year (spent mostly on the Race), it’s going to have to be crazy awesome.
Thank you, Daughters of Zion!!! You sisters are amazing! Too good to me. I couldn’t have imagined a better way to celebrate. And Jesus, You know me too well. That’s all 🙂
