Because God relieved me of the pre-med burden, my last semester of Duke was my best one. It was my first and last semester not taking any classes that I truly did not want to take. I took fun classes, and while I still cared about my grades, I genuinely wanted to learn and enjoy being a student. Until then, the ‘work’ part of school had been much too burdensome. And why did ‘work’ and ‘play’ have to be separate- ‘bad’ and ‘good’- anyway? If we’re fully alive and free the way God created us to be, if we’re choosing, then everything about being a student should be life-giving, though not necessarily easy.
As I finished up my last class and worked part-time at a research lab in the summer, I made preparations for this journey. I could hardly wait for training camp and for launch, but I was also incredibly grateful for the remaining quality time I had with my roommates and friends in the area. I emptied the little I had in my bank account for summer rent, food, and World Race expenses, and God continued to tell me to just trust Him.
I wouldn’t have liked to admit it then, but I know I was filled with doubt. I felt like this man:
“…But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.”
“’If you can?’” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for the one who believes.”
Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”
[Mark 9:22-24]
Yet like a fog lifting, my doubt dissolved as He faithfully provided everything I needed at just the right time. God was changing me long before I even left for training camp! Then, of course, came training camp. Oh, expectations. You know all those training camp blogs about leaving your expectations at the door? Well, those only added to my knowledge of what could happen at TC, and therefore inevitably added to my (non)-expectations. It’s true. I’m not saying people shouldn’t write those blogs… I’m simply stating another expectation not to have: Don’t expect to rid yourself of expectations! You’ll have them no matter what, even when you’re not aware of them yourself. But what truly matters is how you respond when reality actually happens.
And now you know part of my reality lived out! Training camp. Launch. Guatemala. Honduras. Nicaragua. Philippines. Thailand. I would have never imagined myself traveling the world while doing God’s work. It seemed like a distant dream, but God… chose… me. He chose me, not because He needs me to be somewhere or do something. But because this is His way of pursuing my heart. And through this beautiful pursuit, He allows me to join Him in the transformative work He’s doing all around the world!
And that is why it has it been the best year of my life.
I wrote the following in my tumblr post about a year ago, on January 5, 2012.
YES. The best part is that it came true. I have felt more free and alive than ever this year.
I’m tasting more and more of FREEDOM IN HIM!!!
Here’s to another amazing year of love and joy and freedom. I’m hoping it’ll be my new best year. 😉
