[written starting 9.23.12]
We just had a weekend retreat at Lake Atitlán, a few hours from where we’ve been staying in Quiché. The majority of the squad was at a hostel in Santa Cruz, while the team leaders and squad leaders were on the other side of the lake having a leaders’ retreat. It was an extended sabbath of unstructured time, definitely a nice change from the packed schedule of daily ministry in Quiché.
I do wish I could’ve spent more time just resting throughout the trip, but overall it was amazing. Being a bit sleep-deprived and sick made it more difficult to be completely alert during worship and quiet times, but the Lord certainly still used those times to speak to me.
Everything awesome about the trip revolved around God’s absolutely stunning creation. 🙂
On Saturday morning, a group of eight of us went to the Nature Reserve to go ziplining. Unfortunately, we didn’t get to see monkeys and butterflies as we’d expected… but we did see waterfalls, streams, and the most gorgeous views of the entire Lake Atitlán from above while ziplining! We hiked up a trail, and then we began the first of eight different cables with varying lengths, velocities, and maximum heights. Each zipline was an exhilarating ride and a breathtaking view of inimitable majesty.
That night, after a wonderful dinner at the hostel, a few of us went a few docks over to have a worship session. I can’t properly capture the overwhelming feeling I had standing at the edge of the dock, looking out on the water. God painted His splendor across the sky, and I felt Him say, My daughter, what more do you want? Here I am. I’ve made this for you, I’ve done this for you. I felt Him all around me. In the perfectly cool air, the calm water glistening in the moonlight, the lightning flashing over the mountains. In the glowing stars and the gorgeous cloud formations. What a beautiful romance… The Lord graced me once again with His power when I asked Him to clear the clouds for me so that I could see the shining moon again. Moments after I opened my eyes, the moon revealed its face, as if it were God’s own face. I was reminded that just as the clouds sometimes hide the moon and the stars, there are things that shroud my view of God. But just because I can’t always see Him or feel Him, it doesn’t mean He’s not there. Or perhaps the clouds are just another side of God, one that I haven’t known. I don’t want my perception of Him to remain stagnant, and I don’t want to limit the way He reveals Himself to me.
At the end of the worship session, those of us remaining on the dock gathered in a circle, held hands, and sang to each other, Halleluuujah, Halleluuujah, Halleluuujahhh, our God reigns! The song turned into a shout, a joyous cry, a dance! We jumped up and down, feeling the dock shake beneath our feet, and our song became, Guatemaaala, Guatemaaala, Guatemaaalaaa, our God reigns! We were drunk and high in the Spirit, so filled with joy and love. I’m sure any outsider would’ve thought we were crazy (did I mention that two people jumped off the dock for a Spirit-led dip in the lake?!), but I am SO okay with being crazy for God. Should we be anything but crazy? Can we be?
I don’t want to hold back. I don’t want to be timid. I’m sick of being insecure and doubtful, of wanting to please people. I want to please my Daddy before I please people. I want to let go of… caring, to be bold in how He created me. I want to press into my gifts and talents, to ask Him what they are and how to use them for His glory. I’m sick of the devil telling me I’m not good enough, not as good as others around me, not liked or appreciated. I only want the Lord’s approval.
My Savior is not just enough; He’s more than enough. He has already given me more than my needs and desires. When I serve His people, I want to see their desperation for Jesus, their eyes pleading for mercy and truth. As with any of us, they simply long to know that He’s more than enough, that they will not be in want.
