It is only ever in retrospect that we are able to appreciate the way that God has spoken to us about just the right things at just the right times. It never fails to amaze me.
I’d never even considered full-time ministry for myself until last summer. When a friend asked me about it, I started to wonder… My initial reaction was, “Um, really? No way, I couldn’t do that… And I don’t think I want to do that.” But then I had to ask myself why. Why was I so reluctant to serve and give my life in this way to God? So I prayed through it, and God carried me to a new place of willingness. I didn’t necessarily feel called to ministry, but I was willing to do it if He wanted me to. If for nothing else, I thought, that process was for the heart change.
By the end of last summer, I was still pre-med, as I had been for my high school and college careers thus far, but my doubts about that path lingered and even grew. Parental pressure hadn’t left much room for other pursuits, and I was still wrestling with the issue of honoring my parents but obeying and serving God above all.
So I simply resolved to devote my complete presence and effort to the pre-med route until further notice from God. So while I was thinking about ministry and trying to be open to what else the Lord had for me, I was trying my best to finish up requirements and make the most of senior year. During that semester, He gave me so much peace and newfound joy in my role as a student, servant, and friend.
When I went home for winter break, I faced the challenge of talking through my atrocious academic record and the impracticality of the med school pursuit. Before I could say much, my mom told me she was giving up on me. No more support, financially or otherwise. I was to find a job or do whatever I wanted after college, as long as I didn’t return home. Ouch.
I was overwhelmed with frustration, anger, confusion… and who knows what else. This seemed to be my signal to finally let go of being pre-med (since even practically speaking I couldn’t do much to pursue med school at that point). And in praying, I found peace and relief with that decision. But then I wondered, what now? After narrowly devoting the past eight years to one thing, and struggling so much with school, what was I to do? I felt that I wasn’t qualified or experienced for any other type of grad school or job. But more importantly, I had not even the faintest idea what to do next.
Well, a few days later God stirred in my heart unexpectedly. I was watching parts of Passion Conference’s livestream, and my heart broke as I heard about the tragedies of human trafficking. I desired to take part in change for the poor and trafficked—not just through monetary donations. I’d been so confused, and I was desperately open to God’s heart for my future, so I thought maybe this was something I could do. Fieldwork?! Actually be with these people, help them, and share God’s love?! Yes, finally something that sounded exciting to me!
So with some google search that I can’t even recall now, I came upon the World Race website. Something told me this was it. My heart was actually beating faster as I read the blogs of Racers. From then, it was just pray, apply, pray, wait, and pray more. And here I am, preparing for an incredible experience! But there’s only so much you can do to prepare for God’s surprises!
Even in this season of preparation, God has surprised me with so many blessings!! For one, my mom and I have made steps toward reconciliation very recently. Though not a follower of Christ and not a fan of my Race, she has now accepted my decision and has told me I always have a home with her and my dad. Too good!!
And as my mom and many others have asked- do I know what I want to do after the Race? Nope!
Am I at peace about the sea of uncertainties ahead? Right now, absolutely.
Discernment is about being faithful where we are, responding to His Love Letter, and taking the next step in faith. For me, the next step is the World Race. After that? Well, join me on my journey and we’ll find out! 🙂
