Loving myself in a healthy way is a weird and foreign concept to me, one that I’m learning very slowly. I’ve always had issues with self-hatred. So it’s a bit odd when I read, “Love your neighbor as yourself”(Mark 12:31), and realize, what if I don’t really love myself? It seems like the command implies that to love others well, we should first love ourselves—not with narcissism, but with acceptance of the holy love He lavishes on us. I guess I haven’t taken the time to distinguish between loving myself as the world loves me and loving myself as God loves me.
So Jesus’ command is two-fold: Love yourself the way God loves you and sees you, and then love your neighbor in the same way. Because if I try to love others without loving myself in the right way, I’m probably still loving selfishly (seeking reciprocation and praise from people) or drawing upon my own ability to love rather than God’s (which is a well that does eventually run dry).
But God has already claimed me as His own, created me according to His desire! He has set me free, and I am thus set apart from this world. Satan, the prince of the world, no longer has a grip on me. So I desire to live like that’s true! To believe it and respond to it. I want to live like I’m a fearfully and wonderfully made daughter of the King (Psalm 139:13-16), a co-heir with the Prince of Peace! It’s an immensely difficult process, but I’m beginning to shed the layers upon layers of lies, of worldly definitions of myself. I need to die to myself so that I can see myself the way God sees me, allowing and asking Him to delight in me (Zeph 3:17). I long to not care about what others think of my appearance, my personality, my worship style, my mannerisms, my habits, my fleshly characteristics. (Gal 1:10) Only then will I wholeheartedly be a fragrant, living sacrifice and a slave to righteousness.
For I am my Beloved’s and He is mine! And nothing else should matter. 🙂
