When I was an exchange student in France, I remember laying on my bed upstairs when no one else was around thinking about what life would be like to go home. I would curl up in the fetal position, put in my ipod and listen to Michael Bublé singing his laments about the beauty of Paris and Rome but how he really wants to go home.
One solitary tear would run down my face and I would think to myself, “Me too, Mike, me too.”
I did get to go home, and now 7 years later, here I am missing home again.
You would think after however many months, that home would grow smaller and the world grow larger, but it turns out that there is a reason for the phrase “distance makes the heart grow fonder”.
Ultimately, I know that I am called to be here. I love this Squad, I love this life of adventure, but my heart still aches for home.
I miss the people I know, I miss my bed and my bathroom. I miss my closet filled with clothes. I miss simply being able to get away- to go to a coffee shop and just be. I miss my bike, I miss skiing and being able to escape into the mountains. I miss being surrounded by people who know me and love me for me- not because of the role I am in.
Surrender to the Lord isn’t really a choice. I think we like to take it into our hands because we like to believe that we have that level of control. We love to control our environments, our outfits and our food choices. We love to budget out spreadsheets and have our lives planned out for the next ten to twenty years. We pick names for our children before that is even an option in life, we plan our weddings (ladies) before we have met our man and we are encouraged to know our next steps before we have embarked on the first ones.
Not reeeeaaallly a solid definition of surrender.
Surrender is saying, “I am yours and everything that I have is yours.” Surrender is humbling yourself before the Lord admitting that you cannot do it anymore. It is not saying that you do not have strengths or talents or blessings, it is saying that what you DO have is the Father’s.
Now my heart is troubled and what shall I say? ‘Father save me from this hour?’ No it was for this very reason I came to this hour. Father glorify your name!
-John 12:27
So says Jesus as He makes His journey to the cross. Ooof.
How many times do we reach the crossroads that lead to brokenness and instead of saying “Glorify your name” we plead with the Lord “Save me from this!”
Let’s change our prayers.
Take me out of this situation! I don’t want to be here anymore. Father, glorify your name.
Bring me out of this season of singleness Father glorify your name.
Remove me from this team , I can’t take it anymore. Father glorify your name.
Bring me out of this place of apathy! Father glorify your name.
I can’t love them, we just don’t get along. Father glorify your name.
Death = new life. That’s the Kingdom we believe in. We are in Kingdom where it is more blessed to give than to receive. Where the meek inherit the earth and the children are welcome. We live in a Kingdom where absolute surrender means a life filled with the abundance of God.
Our King IS Faithful. He IS Truth. He IS loving to all He has made. He will never leave you and He always hears you. HE IS GOOD.
