We serve an amazing God.
I don't know why I ever really doubt His plan and His timing. He ALWAYS knows what is best. He always knows what will make our heart beat faster and faster.
I never knew I could fall in love so quickly. That was the stuff of fairy tales. Little did I know there is a reason why they call it "falling" in love, because I feel as if the Lord just ripped the carpet out from under me and I am laying flat on my back giggling because I never noticed before how beautiful the stars were from this position.
Exactly two weeks ago I was sitting in a room with someone I had met 5 minutes prior, balling my eyes out. It had all started out innocently enough. Adventures in Missions had provided several counselors to talk with recent returnees about re entry and future steps etc etc. It wasn't required, but for some reason I felt inclined to. So with no other agenda then maybe making a new friend and getting to chat for an hour I signed up.
With in 5 minutes I was in tears.
For the first time I realized why I was having such a hard time leaving again.
You see, I blamed it on the inconsistency, when reality is, I KNOW my Father is constant. I know that He is my home regardless of the country I was in.
I blamed it on not being able to spend enough time with family and friends… They love me wherever I may set my feet.
I blamed it on stalling “real life” when in actuality I am living life abundant here and now.
I was afraid: afraid to love again. I felt as if I had given so much of my heart to F Squad, and now they were grown up and moving on. They were home and continuing to seek the Lord in their next steps and I had to let that go. I had to let them go. I had to let them go and let 58 new people in.
…and THAT terrified me.
I didn’t want to start over. I didn’t want to begin again and although my head knew it would be different, my heart didn’t believe it quite yet.
I felt inadequate. Useless. Undeserving. Incapable. All LIES!
Now here I am in Guatemala. One year since this adventure began and I have never felt more in love. My S Squad is beautiful, messy, broken, passionate, and powerful. Every person is unique, fitting each piece so perfectly into the puzzle that my heart was longing for. I can’t stop smiling, I can’t stop laughing, and I can’t stop praising for this gift the Lord has so blessed me with.
So thank you for your prayers. Thank you for your support. Thank you for letting me go and live in this surreal world that my heart beats so fast for.
