Living as a true follower of the Lord is hard. I think we have a tendency to fantasize the life of ministry and idealize an all-out, no looking back, servitude of the King of Kings. We tend to tell people that Christ has a wonderful plan for your life, that all your heart’s desires will be fulfilled, that your life will only become more abundant. This is true, but it is not the way we expect. We serve an opposite, upside down God who wrecks our life to show us true living. There is a reason why Jesus says in Luke 9:23, “take up your cross and follow me”. There is a reason why Jesus started his ministry with crowds and crowds of people following him, and in the end twelve remained. He may not give you the desires of your heart, but SHOW you what the true desires of your heart are. He will ask you to sacrifice your plan and lead you in a new direction that yes, brings more fulfillment then we could possibly imagine, but never in the way we expect.
I think we like to buy into the lie that we can surrender our life to Christ and that He will turn around and give it right back to us. My plan was nothing too extravagant; I wanted to get married and have a family. Every woman’s story was the same. It was just when she gave that desire to the Lord and was content being single, He brought a man into her life. So instead of ultimate surrender, my mind worked out a nice little pattern. I surrender, proclaim that the Lord is my only heart’s desire, than the next day a godly husband would show up on my front door step. And the sooner the better, right? This weed took root. As more and more friends started to begin serious relationships, get married, etc it became bitter. I clenched my fists over this idea that this was the only solution to my future happiness. Over time, the Lord began to slowly open my fists. He began to do serious work in a dry season where I doubted His presence. It was not any of my doing. I kicked and scratched the whole way, but He changed my heart. Without realizing it, He brought break-through into my life gradually. I was able to rejoice again and learn what being content in all seasons looked like. I thought I was through, but one seed remained.
Through a good friend and mentor, the Lord brought me back to a familiar passage. Genesis 22 is an incredible story of obedience and sacrifice. The Lord asks Abraham to take Isaac, his only son, to the top of a mountain and sacrifice him. Isaac is the result of the Lord’s covenant with Abraham promising him that his offspring will outnumber the grains of sand on the beach, and the stars in the sky. Isaac is the promise of a plan. The result of long frustration in waiting and in trusting in the Lord, and now He puts Abraham to the ultimate test. Now, if you have read the passage, you know that the angel of the Lord stops Abraham before he kills his son. He does not; however, promise the same for us. I wept the entire way through this passage. It was as if something in me had died. I truly felt as if I was mourning this dream, this plan that the Lord was asking, “do you really trust me with your life?”
John 12:24-25 says, “I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.” I had to die to my plan. I had to die to this life that I was holding onto so tightly. I may become one of those old single women that the young single women pray they will never end up like, BUT if the Lord is to be glorified in me, then so be it. The Lord has called me to such great things I would have never imagined if I would have had my way. I get to travel around the world! I get to live a life from a backpack with no real place to call my own and honestly? I wouldn’t have it any other way. I get to see the Lord provide in ways that I never even knew were possible. I get to experience the rich desires that He continues to place in my heart. He is so good!
What is the ultimate sacrifice? What is the one thing that is too much to let go of? Jesus made the ultimate sacrifice. The only son of God was brought up onto a mountain top, like Isaac, but this time God did not stop his son from being killed. The God of the Universe, humbled himself to become man. He lived a perfect life only to be killed on a cross. Why? To pay the price of YOUR sins. To die in YOUR place. He died so that we could live. How are you going to respond to that? We serve a living God. He rose from the dead and now lives in those who love and fear him. Our God is so opposite from this world. From death brings life; an eternal, abundant, full life that is far from anything that we could possibly imagine.
