As I read other people’s blog after training camp, I realized that many had doubts during training camp. For me, this was not the case. I am not sure why, but I seemed to thrive there. But now, oh NOW, I am freaking out on the inside. I am questioning what just happened.
Oh Golly Gee what just happened?
I just moved away from Nashville, the place where Jesus first became real to me. I just moved away from the only firm foundation of friends I have ever had. I just moved away from the only place I have ever experienced true community.
Ahhh… and since I left Nashville on Monday, I have been down. I have officially “flat-lined.” Flat-lined is a term my aunt uses for the time when you get so overwhelmed with everything, instead of doing something you do NOTHING. Yep, I have done nothing.
I am overwhelmed with all the upcoming change that instead of checking off chores one at a time, I look at the list and freak out. I am in full on panic mode. I keep forgetting to respond to texts, emails, etc. I keep putting off preparing lessons I am supposed to teach in the Cayman Islands. I keep procrastinating goodbyes as if I am not leaving.
I’m not sure how I look on the outside, but on the inside, I am freaking out. I am screaming. Like LOUD.
God why?
Why did you pull me away from the people and place I love? I was happy there. I was comfortable there.
As soon as I start questioning Him, He comes back with answers to comfort me.
He tells me “Child, I know you. When you get ‘comfortable’ you stop leaning on me. You try to do it all on your own.”
My response, “Yeah I know, but I will start being more dependent on you, God.”
He says, “I know you will, Little Liz. You aren’t going to be in comfortable places anymore; you are going to have to cling to me. Just hold on and you will see, I will be with you every step of the way.”
My response, “Oh snap, you are about to take me in way over my head aren’t you?”
He says, “Nothing is over my head, cling to me this year and the blessings you receive will be worth what you have given up.”
My response, “Okay, my arms are stretched out…. I am ready for you to carry me. Please remember I am weak.”
He then reminded me that He knows I am weak, but He is strong. He loves me so much that He wants me to depend on Him.
From there our dialogue continued, but that was the part when He called me in love. I needed Him to do that. God also reminded me that when He calls us to do something, it isn’t easy. It may require us to leave behind the people and places that are comfortable.
So comfort zone, as much as I would love to have you back, I want the growth God has planned for me SO much more. In the next few weeks instead of doing nothing, I am going to do something. I am going to dive in head first so He can prepare me for whatever lies ahead.
See ya CZ. (comfort zone)
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Adios my friends,
Liz
