Food is good, delicious even. food can be comforting and satisfying and flat out just what you need at times. It can also be one of the most dangerous “needed” things for your spiritual walk with the Lord. You might disagree.. and that’s ok.. if you get through this Blog I feel you might have a change of heart. Read with me My story on how I over came addiction, depression, Idolism, and what I like to call, the lie of half truths.
FOOD.
It was a rainy day some time in 2013 when I began to realize what I had done. I looked in the rear view mirror as I was driving home from an old boyfriends house, and realized that my face was much bigger than I had remembered. I chocked it up to “This mirror is modified, That’s not really what I appear to look like”. I instantly knew that was a lie but, I chose to believe it any way. As I drove down the hill near Whitworth collage the smell of the fast food joints caught my attention. I had to talk my self out of Jack in the box, Didders, and Zips all at once. I’m so hungry, I told my self… but after the image that I saw of my face I rejected any thought of needing fast food. I told my self out loud “Your almost home girl” just a little bit further to go. Arriving at the bottom of that hill, passing Walgreen’s to my left and the Fred Myers to my right, Carl’s J.R shined bright like a diamond. I began to think of my favorite chicken sandwiches that I usually get there and I just couldn’t help my self. the turn was coming and I couldn’t resist myself.
I ordered two 1$ spicy chicken burgers with no lettuce (because it gets soggy) and was on my way. Home was only 3 minutes away now and for some reason I chocked it up in my mind that no one could see me eat. Because in situations like this I could hardly control my self. The first burger was gone in 4 bites and the second by the time I pulled onto my neighborhood street. Now I had to get rid of the evidence before I got home which led to the trash being thrown into an empty field near my home. “No one will ever know”. As I pulled into the drive way of my home I glanced into the rear view mirror once again and I saw the same face as before, but this time God allowed me to see my sin… and it wasn’t something I could just take off or walk away from. It was in every part of my body, I carried it around with me and feed it when it said to. that was the first time I realized I was Addicted to Food.
As life began to change and my relationship ended I was slung into a deep depression. I was unable to go anywhere alone, I feared going into grocery stores or going out with friends, I never drove on streets that were commonly used by my ex boyfriend or gas stations that he would often use. I made it a point to avoid running into him at every cost. even if that meant taking the back roads that put an extra 30 minutes on your drive.. As for food, nothing changed. I still was binging every chance I could get… sometimes 2 or even 3 times a day. Guilt began to flood my sole over eating so much that I couldn’t live with my self being like this. Was I willing to stop? I tried but the addiction was rampant. I couldn’t control it. and part of me didn’t want to. “My life is to busy for home cooked meals” I told my self justifying my next bite into a cheese burger. Bite after bite after bite the Guilt weighed on my 290lb body.
my body hated so much what I was doing to it that I began to vomit up what I was eating almost everyday. after about 1 month of constant stomach aches and vomit escapades I ended myself in the hospital getting everything looked over even possible pregnancy. Of course I wanted to believe that It was anything but the addiction to food, but this was my reality.
The worldrace
Once I found the world race I had already lost over 20 lbs due to being horribly sick. My mom called me from the kitchen where she had been checking e-mails and her Facebook site. She sat me down in front of the computer and said you have to read this. “The World Race” appeared across the screen. As my heart began to stir for what God wanted to do in my life through this beautiful opportunity, he also began to prepare my heart for the biggest spiritual battle yet to come.
The worldrace is known for 1 word; Abandonment
Abandonment by definition means
1: to leave completely and finally; forsake utterly; desert
2: to give up; discontinue; withdraw from
3: to give up the control of
4 :to yield (oneself) without restraint or moderation
Not only was I preparing to leave everything I had behind but I was preparing to kick addiction right in the face. starting with Training camp that took place in October of 2013. I had gone to camp with out expectations just like they said, but as meal time approached on the first night no expectations became a Huge disappointment. I figured they would make us try different things like eye balls or something of that nature but what was served was something much more normal yet far more disappointing. Platters were served with India’s Famous Chicken curry and rice, However the quantity size that could satisfy 4 people, had to feed 8 to 10 people. Lets just say I went to bed hungry and ANGRY. 7 days like this caused me to loose 10 lbs and kick the desire for cravings.
Now 7 months into the race I have lost over 115 lbs and working on a fit and in shape body witch reflects what’s going on, on the Inside. a fit and in shape spirit man. Christ has called me to bigger things than I ever imagined. He has placed the call on my life to not only be in full time missions but to be a full time wife and mother. Christ told me” I need you to be in physical and spiritual shape to do exactly what I have created you to do”. (I see myself with home in one arm and kids in the other following my husband to where God has called us).
Did you know your spirit man and your physical being communicate. If your not taking care of the temple that God has gifted you with, your spirit man is going to bare that fruit also. It will be carrying a burden that it was never created to carry. you may be grouchy, short tempered and always looking for a way to satisfy… but to deny you flesh and push it to endurance through working out can cause your spirit man do grow in the same way.
Endurance
1: the fact or power of enduring or bearing pain, hardships
2: the ability or strength to continue or last, especially despite fatigue, stress, or other adverse conditions; stamina:
3: lasting quality; duration
4: something endured, as a hardship; trial.
Going on the world race was the best thing I ever did, endurance has been a normal thing on the race, to endure the pain of letting go of past identity, to endure the hardship of being in a new country every month and leaving loved ones behind. the endurance of needing Christ more and more as time passes. I learned that my addiction to food was grieving the holy spirit because food was an idle that was in the place of the Lord. Once I recognized that everything else came easy, Thus my Endurance had a chance to grow.
Dear Brothers and sisters, When trials come your way consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when endurance is fully developed , you will be perfect and complete needing nothing. James 1: 2-4
I want to encourage you to take a look at your own life, Is there something on the thrown of your heart that is taking the place of our creator. Is it effecting how you operate not only physically but relationally and spiritually? weather its communication to your children, your spouse, your team mates, or your parents? is it something you want to change? If so take some time with the Lord right now. Ask Christ to forgive you. then Turn from your sin. change things up. I don’t want to hear this… I went on a diet crap that we all try to do yet never are successful with. Let Christ change your life! Radically surrender and then leave it at the cross. Yes your going to feel the endurance as your flesh rebels but PRAISE GOD! that’s exactly what’s supposed to happen. and if you just keep pushing through every day you will be stepping into even more of who Christ called you to be. The care taker of the temple his Holy Spirit dwells in. What an Honor we have ladies and gentleman. Come on and get what your deserve! Freedom!
(Becoming everything God created me to be, Thank you Jazmine for pushing my into the arms of our savior every moment I wanted to give up, Thank you for teaching me about Health and Fitness from a Godly perspective and thank you for always being my friend. I love you so much! )
