We all have different coping mechanisms for our fears and insecurities. Those mechanisms provide avenues of escaping the real issues. Many people go through life running away or avoiding the true diagnosis, resulting in a continuous cycle of symptoms. My nervous habit of picking my skin has been an issue since childhood. I would go through seasons of stress or fear that would immediately result in my idle hands taking control of the appearance of my skin. Every time that someone would ask me the reasons behind it I would not be able, or willing, to give an answer until now.
In my mind I always knew that God was in control and protecting me, my childhood was living proof. However, my heart hasn’t fully grasped this concept until now. Just as Jonah knew he was told to go to Ninevah, fear interrupted the connection and caused him to deliberately disobey. It wasn’t until Jonah was in the middle of the storm did he realize that going against God’s plans wasn’t such a bright idea. After Jonah learned his lesson, while sitting in the belly of the whale he knew what he had to do. He probably was still scared to a certain extent but he trusted God and was protected. As much as I don’t want to admit it, fear of being open with my emotions has caused distress. Distress that I have taken out on myself. In the past I have only seen the tip of the iceberg and haven’t really been able or willing to go below the surface.
Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong.14 Do everything in love.
1 Corinthians 16:13-14
Dealing with the true diagnosis has helped tremendously and shown me what it looks like to live in complete faith. Yes, it still is a struggle but I know that I will be blessed and most importantly my God will be glorified.
Because of this I remind you to rekindle God’s gift that you possess through the laying on of my hands. For God did not give us a Spirit of fear but of power and love and self-control.
2 Timothy 1:6-7
