am i ready????????

Its been an interesting month.. August has been good to me but I have had a lot on my mind. I was able to go on a wonderful family vacation to the Dominican Republic during the first of the month which was amazing! I enjoyed the family time!!! I absolutely loved it there. The Haitian and Dominicans have left a impression on me I cant seem to shake, along with a simple comment my dad made that wont seem to stop ringing in my ears. 

As the days went by I began to look at the people who live in this country and one scripture came to me over and over and over again.. it was Proverbs 15:16 Better a little with the fear of the LORD than great wealth with turmoil. Simple enough I don’t think we need the commentary on this one. But as I thought on this verse for days.. it came to me that I understand this scripture, I get what where supposed to take from it, BUT HAVE I EVER EXPERIENCED THAT? There is such a difference in knowing something and then knowing something because you have been through it, roughed it out, been in the depths and then on the mountain top. I have great wealth(we all do compared to the rest of the world) but I also have great turmoil in my life. I have stress that comes along with working full time, not to mention with people who just happened to loose a loved one. With the job I have, I run into problems every hour and then there’s my life outside work!!!! In my quiet time I began to hear little utterances from the Lord and he began to tell me that he was going to take me from this abundant, wealthy, everything I need or want is at my fingertips kind of life I have now, and show me what this scripture means, that living with little but with great reverence for the Lord is better!!!!!!! UMMMM…. IN THAT MOMENT I FELT LIKE A KID RIDING A ROLLER-COASTER, EYES CLOSED NOT WANTING TO LOOK, YET HANDS STRAIGHT IN THE AIR AND A BIG YIPPEE COMING OUT MY MOUTH!!! I’m excited about stripping down and yet I’m scared about what’s under there!

It was the next day I found myself walking along the beach, side by side with my dad when he asked me “So are you ready for this?” (talking about WR) and my mind immediately went back to what the Lord had just showed me, and the words I used to answer that question where not the same as the thoughts running through my head. You would think that I would have asked myself that a million times before now, but something you must know about me is, I often do things not exactly realizing in that moment the importance of what exactly is about to happen. Two months ago I’m thinking one backpack cool, bugs cool, tent cool, and now im like ONE BACKPACK- WHATTT??? BUGS???TENT?? Not Cool!!!!!!!!!! I have been so focused on starting my blog, mailing support letters, getting fundraising ideas up and running that I haven’t even taken the time to slow down and reflect what it is I AM DOING!!!! This month it hit me.. I mean really HIT me that this is one of those moments in my life that due to this decision my life no longer is on the path I had planned. Just reading that sentence makes me want to slap myself silly..YESSSSS I said it, Going on the WR is interfering with  MY PLAN FOR MY LIFE-  in no way was I prepping or planning for an adventure like this. Leaving JAN 2011 means i’m walking off the plank not knowing even one step before me! IS IT OK TO BE SCARED? IS IT OK BE NERVOUS AS CRAP? CAN I EVEN SAY CRAP ON HERE? Every time I start freaking out and I let my mind focus on these things like fear, nervousness, anxiousness.. I have like a 5 minute rebound rate where my mind says.. but wait.. your trusting the Lord, your stepping out in faith, and your believing the scriptures and the promises the Lord has for you!!!!

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.” 

(Proverbs 3:5)

“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you.” 

(Psalm 32:8)

“Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.”  

(Isaiah 30:21)

“For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.”  

(Philippians 2:13)

Reading these ease my mind and flood it with peace! 

So I ask myself one question? AM I READY ? THIS TIME I ANSWER HONESTLY AND the answer is absolutely NOT, but you better believe i’m still trucking along because I know the Lord is guiding me! One of my favorite quotes comes from C.S. Lewis and I feel like its the perfect way to end this entry.

 “We are not doubting that God will do the best for us: we are just wondering how painful the best will turn out to be. ”