I am Good Enough.
New confession. I battle with comparison. I have battled with comparison for a long time. In fact I would honestly say that I have battled with it for too long. Comparison has this nasty way (if we let it) of leaving us stuck in one place and riddled helpless with insecurity. Why have I reached this point as I am sitting in Russey Keo, Cambodia? Well I am just tired. Tired of hiding and hoarding what I have been given in fear of it falling flat because “myself” or “others” don’t think that it’s “good enough”.
I remember several people throughout my life saying this phrase to me “You are this, but I’m better”, or “You’re not “___” enough” or even comparing me to others , “Oh you are just like this person!”. These phrases and words stung. Before I go anywhere further I want to specify, I am not playing the victim card. These are some examples of things said to me, but I chose to let them affect me. If I had made the choice to believe what God’s word, what he says about me first, I wouldn’t have found myself in this situation. You may not be able to control which thoughts come into your mind but you can control which ones stay there and become what you believe about yourself.
So instead of walking confidently in the areas that I knew that I was gifted in or even allowing those giftings to be sharpened or allowing them to grow, I suffocated them. I buried and hid them all the while thinking since they weren’t good enough as someone else’s it didn’t matter that I didn’t give them away.
This is where I let myself live.
Ok so what do I know that God says about me? I know that HE put me together. He says in Psalm 139:13-18 that he fashioned me and put me together in my Mother’s womb, that I am fearfully and WONDERFULLY made. That I can praise him because his works are WONDERFUL. Also that I can’t even count his thoughts towards me. So if my Father in heaven, God of the universe put me together and calls me WONDERFUL, which means – excellent, great and marvelous, why would I want to think less of myself or not offer Him a worship of using the gifts He has given me since that is what my life is about right?
I have been stuck in this shy, reserved pit afraid to offer my gifts to the Lord because I bought the lie that what I have to offer isn’t “good enough” and that mine aren’t important or that they don’t matter. Which contradicts yet another scripture 1 Corinthians 12: 12-31 where Paul is reminding us that we are all different, we have different giftings but that we are equally important. He even goes as far to say that we cannot fully function without the other.
He relates us to a Human Body that requires all of its parts to function as they were designed and where they were designed. He shares that if we are one body part but focus on thinking we aren’t as good as another body part, even to go as far as wishing we were another body part, causes the body to work not as efficient or effective as it should if the body parts were doing what they were created specifically to do.
Pulling that back to the way I was created and the gifts I was given,or actually the gifts that we were all given creates empty holes. If we don’t offer them, people are ultimately missing out on a moment with Jesus. Our gifts that we were given are ultimately to be used to first and foremost as an offering or worship back to Jesus, but in that process, giving an opportunity for ministry to take place. Ministry to people who are already believers but also for those that don’t yet know Jesus, by exercising our gifts from Him we have the ability to allow Jesus to only reach them they way He can.
Also if I am choosing to walk in fear or doubt I am also not thinking of the good of the Body of Christ. By worrying so much about the status or “quality” of my gifts and putting so much false pressure on myself I am quite possibly saying “I don’t care if you are healthy or whole or if you function well or not.”
Ouch that hurts.
Comparison has hurt me for far too long in my life. But also on the race as well. I have had such a hard time taking pictures or writing blogs because I feel that they aren’t good enough or even thinking how my race has looked different from others which sucks because even then I should say “So what?” So what if my blog never reaches thousands of views, maybe it was one person in the few that read it NEEDED to read what I wrote about an encounter with Jesus. So what if its full of grammatical errors and doesn’t make sense. If Jesus called me to write it down he is more concerned with my obedience and fulfilling someone else’s needs than my own satisfaction of a perfectly written blog or filtered and angled picture. (Sorry to my English teachers if you read this) So what if my race looks different from others on my squad or past, or future racers. This race MY race is about me and the Lord and what he is teaching me and how he is growing and changing and shaping me into HIS IMAGE for HIS GLORY as a very important part in HIS BODY.
One more thing. Gifts are given and not taken back, but they do have the ability to grow. Just because we don’t feel good enough, doesn’t mean we should stay in the same place with them. Being satisfied and stagnant are two very different things. I am satisfied with my giftings in my part of the body, but I do want them to grow. I don’t want them to stay at the same level, I want to work them out and give them the opportunity to become stronger and continue to be effective in bringing God glory and to promote better health and well being for the body. This requires me to be confident in the giver of good gifts. Confident that he finishes what he starts as long as I allow him too. Confident that he does the growing and the working things out. If I rest in Him he can and will do greater things that I could imagine, and will use my giftings to reveal himself to others as only he can.
I challenge you to join me in trading comparison for confidence. Lets take our eyes off of someone else’s gifts and be confident in the One who gave us ours and ask him to show us how to grow those gifts and how to freely offer them. Lets encourage each other in our giftings and come alongside each other and really join together as the Body to worship and serve Jesus and those all around us. Can you imagine if the Body of Christ were walking fully confident in our giftings in parts instead of comparing or casting aside? We would be unshakable and unstoppable for the Kingdom. Lets put God’s Glory and the Kingdom as our goal and see what happens.
Love Y’all!
