“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness’. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:10
This blog has been coming for a long time, but I just haven’t been able to make myself sit down and put all of my thoughts in writing. I finally got the motivation after a WR sister sent our squad a video that spoke directly to my heart.
Easter weekend I had the privilege to speak to the youth from my home church (Michael Memorial Baptist) at their annual Easter retreat. I was so humbled when I was asked to speak, especially since I attended the retreat from 7th – 12th grade and know what an impact the retreat can have on the hearts of the youth. When I began to read the questions I was going to be asked, it seemed like every answer pointed back to three things I keep realizing day in and day out:
1. Following God’s plan and walking in His will is SO easy/refreshing/encouraging.
2. Following God’s plan and walking in His will is SO hard/exhausting/discouraging.
3. Following God’s plan and walking in His will is SO. WORTH. IT.
1. The easy/refreshing/encouraging aspect: Once I found out that I had been accepted to the World Race, I had to make a $150 payment to show my commitment. I didn’t have to think very long before getting online and paying that first installment. I had prayed about the Race so much at that point, that I already knew if I was accepted, I was going. Once God spoke into my heart what it was that He wanted from me, it was so easy to just say yes. It was one of the few times in my life where I have been completely sure that I am doing what God has for me at this moment. I was so excited to make the commitment.
It has been such a refreshing experience to walk through this journey already. I am talking and building relationships with some of the most incredible people on this Earth (I may be a little biased with my X Squad, but whatever). I have already developed friendships that I know will last a lifetime and I haven’t even met these people face-to-face yet! I have been so encouraged by their words and scripture sharing and storytelling.
I am overwhelmed by the amount of support I have already received from so many people. I find myself in awe nearly every day that people believe in me and my mission so much that they are donating time and prayers and money and buying raffle tickets and t-shirts. Blown away doesn’t even begin to describe what I feel. Half the time, I am on cloud 9 and am sure that nothing can bring me down from this high. But it isn’t always easy, this pursuit of the Christian life.
2. The hard/exhausting/discouraging part: On the way to the Easter retreat, I got to have some good conversation with some wonderful ladies. One of the topics lead to me confessing how very hard this journey has been. I hate to say that it has been anything but rainbows and butterflies. But we know that when we follow Jesus, the enemy isn’t far behind and he is dying to get a hand around our ankle and drag us down and back to where we started. It has been so difficult for my squad lately. Every day one of us has a new setback that brings us down a notch and some situations have come close to causing racers to have to reassess their commitment. Just this morning, I walked out to my car to find that it had been hit overnight while I was sleeping, and my poor mother spent the majority of her day dealing with insurance companies and handling the situation (thank you, JESUS, for a mama who still takes care of her 25 year old). We are having to pay my deductible, regardless of the fact that I wasn’t even in the car or anywhere around when it happened, so it is financially straining along with the stress an accident brings about on its own.
There have been quite a few people who haven’t been as encouraging as I thought they would be when I told them about my trip. And that has been so heartbreaking. I know that many of them mean no harm by some of their questions or suggestions, but it is so hard to hear someone doubt you or your choices when you are so excited to share news with them. Please, if you are doubtful, rest assured that Jesus and I have gone round and round about this and I know FOR SURE that I am headed where He wants me. Yes, there are other organizations I could have gone with. But this is where God lead me and this is who I will go with. Yes, some of the countries I am going to are dangerous. But I know that I am protected by the creator of the universe and I trust that He will have His hand over my life. Yes, there is ministry to be done here. But I participate in it now and will pick right back up where I leave off when I come home.
I have had to come to the conclusion that paying that $150 commitment payment was not a conclusive “yes” to this adventure. As I explained both to the ladies on our ride over and later to the youth when I spoke to them, this is an everyday decision. Every morning I wake up and think about the fundraising I have to do and the money I have to raise and the birthdays I will miss and the job I have to leave and the luxuries I have here and I have to make the commitment to the World Race all over again. Every single day is a battle against my flesh, and I have to remind myself that all of my worries and thoughts about myself are misplaced. Because this has never been and never will be about me and my wants and my comforts, my poor pitiful me’s are irrelevant. But I am human and I still have to work at saying “no” to me and “yes” to Him.
3. The oh-so worth it that trumps all others: For a long time I didn’t want to admit all of the doubts and frustrations that come with the Race. I wanted people to think it was such a great thing and that once you commit to what God is asking of you, things only go uphill. But we were warned over and over in scripture that the Christian walk is all but easy. If it weren’t so, my favorite verse would hold no water:
“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28
We wouldn’t need that promise if life was perfect after we find salvation in Christ. Y’all, the Christian walk is HARD. It down right sucks sometimes. It is a tearful, painful, heartbreaking journey. BUT, I cannot put into words how absolutely incredible it is. Just in the last 3 months, since I have been accepted onto the Race, God has revealed Himself to me in ways He never has before. Has it been unbelievably stressful? Yes. Are there days I want to call and tell them I have changed my mind and don’t want to do this? Absolutely. Probably more days than I don’t. But God has rocked my world. He has shown me how incredible life can be if I just simply do what He is asking of me. I haven’t even stepped foot in another country yet, and God’s faithfulness is astounding. ALL HE WANTS FROM YOU IS FOR YOU TO SAY “YES”. He handles it from that moment forward. I haven’t even DONE anything yet. I’ve only said that I WILL. And that’s all He needed from me to start slinging doors wide open and pouring His spirit into me.
I have never felt closer to my Father than I have in the 3 months since I committed to this crazy adventure. If tomorrow never comes, or tragedy strikes and I never get to step foot into Central America or Asia or Africa, this has all been worth it. If the World Race calls me tomorrow and says that they missed something in my application and I am now ineligible, it will have all been worth it. If one single soul out of all the people I meet in the 11 different countries I go to comes to know Jesus simply because I put my feelings aside and went with HIS plan, it will be MORE than worth it. I have found myself wondering what in the world I have been doing the last 25 years living for myself. This beats anything I have ever experienced.
PLEASE keep me in your prayers. I still have much to do to prepare before I leave in September. If you feel led to give financially, know that it is so appreciated and so needed! If you do not feel that the Lord is asking you to do so, that’s ok too! But prayers are free and I’ll take those anytime (: Be watching out for more fundraising opportunities and feel free to share my blog so that others may hear about what God is doing! That’s what this is ultimately all about!!
