I was packing my bags and getting ready to go back to the world race when deep in my spirit something was unsettled.. Like a annoying gnat at first , as the days drew nearer to my departure the annoyance turned into anxiety… Something was not right..
My spirit and my mind were not in harmony.. My mind said you have to continue the world race at all costs and my spirit was saying “remember what i commanded you”.. After a few phone calls and and much time spent in prayer i knew without a doubt that i was suppose to go back to India instead of continuing the race.
Almost all the world racers have been or will be called to a place on this trip, their hearts will swell and their spirits will feel at home at one of the hundreds of different places we visit during our journey.. And at the end of the year they will tell their families that they are going back, that they have been called by God and will pack their bags yet again to go back and make a difference in the place their heart remained.. I knew i was going back to India after the world race, I just didnt know i would be leaving the world race to go back to India.
As many of you might know India is in termoil right now, in many different ways.. Christians are being persecuted and there is bombs going off in others areas.. In the middle are thousands of orphans, the true victims of the violence and mistakes the adults have made.. There are threats of 100’s of orphans being turned into the streets, and stories of little little girls being used as sex toys by government inspectors.. There’s a spiritual battle going on in India and the adversary thinks he is winning, by slowing destroying the lives of children…
I remember mental battles that i have fought over the last couple years.. Battles of fear… A lingering feeling like God was preparing me for something that scares me.. From public words spoken over me that I am an Elisabeth Elliot,to supernaturally relating to courageous stories of other missionaries that put it all on the line to live out Gods calling and purpose in their lives… I felt a connection with them, a sense that one day i might share their fate and this knowledge scared me to death! I would plead with God for his will to be done in my life, to use me any why he willed, then i would change my mind and say no, God let me do your will but only in ways that aren’t scary.. Then i would realize how weak i was and Pray that he would forgive me of my humanness and give me courage to live whatever life he gives me.
I shared my thoughts one night with Anna- Marie, She told me i was a leader.. And although on the world race i didn’t shine as a leader she somehow seen through that and i told her that i was scared of the fu ture… She told me that some people are made for special things and i am probably one of them, but that i should’nt live in fear because God is with me, and that he would give me what i need at the exact time i needed it.. And that the advisary is trying to steal my joy by scareing me.. These aren’t the exact words she used but the idea is what i remember…
Now with a new found courage and a peace in my spirit i will journey to India, in the midst of the turmoil to help the innocent… To most the timing would seem foolish but just like Noah when he built the ark, i will listen to God and do things on his timing and not my own.. There is a reason i will be where i go on the dates i will be there.. I do not know what the reason isyet, i only know i serve a faithful God.. A God that needs willing vessels to do his work, a God that shines a light upon my paths and prepares the way for me…
This is my destiny, Gods plan for my life, and im excited and content walking in it.. But i ask you, do you know yours? Is there something God has called you to do and your scared to do it? There is a book called “The Dream Giver”, Its a great inspiration to those of us that know we are called to do something out of the ordinary but are kinda scared at the idea..
