For so long I had blamed God for killing my father, I was going on a mission trip, I wanted to change my life, I wanted to live for God and what did I get in return…
But death is not from God, death is from Satan; who tries to tear our relationship with God and might I say sometimes he does a dang good job of it. Because I was livid to say it nicely, I couldn’t understand that God wasn’t punishing me; he didn’t want to hurt me. But ever since sin entered this world crap happens in people’s lives, and it sucks and it hurts and its completely unfair (like your dad dying when your 19). God doesn’t do this on purpose because he would never want to see any of us hurting, but the crap that happens to us in this world, it tests our faith. I was obviously weak in my faith; I needed someone to blame so I blamed God. Aren’t we all so quick to blame God when something doesn’t go our way or something terrible happens, we all say, “Why would God let this happen?”. Well God doesn’t let it happen, it is the work of Satan and the sin he has poisoned this world with. We all need a quick scape goat so we blame/question God (think about the times you have done this), now think about all the times when you have praised God for all the good in your life, I can almost guarantee that most of us can remember blaming/questioning God more times that praising Him. Which if you think about it is sad, we have SOOO much to be thankful for; food, family, vehicles, friends, life, this world, material possessions, our jobs, living in the country that we do, not having to sell our children for money, not living on the streets, having 3 meals a day, being healthy and taken care of. This list could go on forever of things that God has blessed us with in this life. God created every little thing on earth and it is so amazing and beautiful and we take it all for granted! I have to laugh at how much faith I lacked back then and how much I still do, that was something so small (in the grand scheme of things), I mean I am going to see my dad again one day in heaven (there is no doubt in my mind). But to turn my back on God for something that naturally occurs in this world, death, something that is bound to happen (it’s a fact that everyone will one day die). And a fact that we know about from the time we are little, everyone will die, you never know when you never know how but it is going to happen. I should have been praising God that he let me have almost a full month with my father, that I was able to say my good byes, because God knows that man had a lot of close calls along the way (the bee sting, the grinder, the broken leg, etc), and if dad would have died any of those other times, it would have been sudden and I wouldn’t have gotten to tell him everything I needed to. I was much more fortunate than most people, who have family members die suddenly. So why was I so quick to lose my faith over such a blessing as being able to have some real quality time with my dad before he died? Because when you are in a situation like that, you have blinders on and you cant see the good that comes out of it. But looking back I am so ashamed of my lack of faith, God talks about having faith as small as a mustard seed and you can move mountains, I wonder how small my faith looked compared to that mustard seed! But now I can gladly say that my faith is growing and growing, ill still never make it to that mustard seed size but heck I am trying everyday to strive to that, and that’s all that matters.
