OK so I wrote this blog obviously a few days ago, i was just nervous to put it out there. So here it is:
Alright so in 13 days I'm headed out to conquer 11 countries (Romania, Ukraine, Ireland, India, Sri Lanka, Kenya, Uganda, Rwanda, Thailand, Cambodia & Malaysia) in 11 months! Excited is an understatement of what I am feeling right now! I can't wait to go change the world and have my entire world changed as well!
Although lately I have been very disappointed with my attitude while I am still at home here. There is alot going on in my family right now, and it's starting to hit me hard that I am not going to be here for all these huge changes. For those of you who don't already know, my dad passed away last august from cancer. He owned a little western shop in town called Western Stockman, which was his pride and joy. I adored my father, therefore growing up I grew to have a similar love for that western store. Whenever I was in need of a job, Western Stockman was always willing to take me and give me work. Evidently my one of my biggest desires in life was to one day run the store, and when dad passed away that desire turned from and want to a need for me. I needed to be working at the store full time, I needed to give up what I was wanting to do in my life so that I could be at the store, learning the ropes and making dad proud. Well 7 months later I couldn't take it anymore, the current manager and I were butting heads constantly. So I quit, and felt as tho I had let my father down, that I had given up on him. That was one of the hardest things that I have ever done.
Well now that manager is no longer there and HUGE changes are happening in the store. Changes that I would have never made, and obviously it had to happen now, when I will be gone for a whole year! This has been weighing heavy on my heart, it hurts me that when I come home everything will be different. I almost feel as tho I am leaving my father behind when I head out on this trip and he wont be here when I return home. This feeling is now making me almost resent the people who are making all of these changes. That was my father and that was his store, I grew up there. What right do they have to come in and change everything? That was supposed to be my job, it's just so unfair.
So in concluding, I guess I am asking for prayer as this is a huge problem for me right now. Specially with me leaving in just a short 13 days. I want to be able to put my trust in the Lord and know that this is happening for a reason and there is a reason as to why I'm not part of all these changes. Maybe, actually I know I have alot of work to do with accepting my fathers death. I guess I just thought that it would always work out that I would be here for everything, that the store was going to be mine and i would have a say in everything. But I'm asking for peace, that I am able to accept what is happening and that I may not hold any resentment towards the girls who are working there.
Please pray for me
