I have been in Midland, Texas for four months now. It has been a hard transition, but one that is made easier by my husband and new family. They have done an amazing job of making me feel at home. They have given me beautiful gifts for our home that they know I will love, they have included me in outings where they know I will have the opportunity to meet new people, they have invested into getting to know me and spend quality time with me. And yet, I still feel a little bit like a fish out of water. Searching for purpose in this community that is not yet my own is a difficult task, and my inability to work has left me feeling even more like a fish out of water. I volunteer all over the place, helping at a local thrift store that reaches out to at risk women and children, I show up every Wednesday night and Sunday morning for the church’s youth program, Joey and I have gotten involved in helping to create a place for young adults to find community within the church. I also keep as busy as I can outside of volunteering, building and creating stuff for our home; a headboard, shelves, pretty DIY coasters. I have been watched numerous health and food documentaries, and am working on trying to improve the diets and eating habits of myself and my husband, I spend time making more food from scratch and buying less processed foods, eating clean, organic, green, and whole grain foods.
Unfortunately, even with all of these things that I am doing, I still I feel like I am lacking in purpose. And I don’t know what to do about it. Joey and I have had multiple conversations about purpose, and what it looks like for me to feel as though I am living with it. I struggle with not being able to work. I have always worked, made money, and taken care of myself. I feel as though if I could just be able to work I would feel as though I had a purpose. But, maybe that’s a misplaced concept. We all have a destiny, all have gifts and talents that we were created to use. Would me working as a waitress for the next eight months while we transition into the next season of our lives as World Race squad leaders actually make me feel like I was fulfilling my destiny? Or would it just be a time filler and a way to make money? And then there come a whole slew of justifications….But I’m good at serving, I enjoy it, I like the interaction with people, the fast paced environment, working with others, I like helping my co-workers, encouraging them, and developing relationships with them, I like filling peoples needs. I’m good at it. I am not the kind of person that likes to sit still, I like action, I like to learn, I like to feel challenged. And currently, I don’t feel those things a lot of the time.
This blog is not the writing of someone who has discovered something profound in all of this and is about to share it with you; it is more the literary processing of someone who is a little bit lost right now and is looking for some help, advice, wisdom, and encouragement.
