This past week and a half has been not only one of the hardest of my life, but also one of the most beautiful.
My dad passed away 13 days ago, tragically, and in a sudden accident. My heart, those of my brothers, and some incredibly close friends and family were devastated by the news. My husband had me on a plane back to Canada within 4 hours of my hearing the news. I cannot begin to explain the feeling of loss that is going on inside of me right now, but I can share what I have gained through all of this.
I have gained a beautiful new perspective on life. My dad lived every day with a sense of purpose. He woke up in the morning and he did whatever his purpose for that day was, and that day only. He didn’t live his life making tons of plans for the future, he was fully present in whatever the current day held for him, and he tried to live that day to his fullest. I have over the past few months been trying more and more to practice presence, to be aware of where I am and focus on what is in front of me, but honestly it’s been a struggle for me. My husband and I have so much going on in the next year that sometimes it’s really hard to stop thinking about what’s next and just focus on the now. Losing my dad has taught me a valuable lesson on the value of life and presence. Each day holds something for us, each day is worth celebrating, whether it is full of grief or laughter, it is worth living to the fullest and it is worth digging into.
I have gained connection with my brothers. Not that I wasn’t connected with them before, but there is something that happens to people on the deepest level when they are experiencing heart-wrenching grief and loss together. A vulnerability happens, a desire to voice things that have never been voiced, and to let go of the little things that never really mattered in the first place. I prayed about 3 weeks ago that the Lord would give me fresh eyes for my brothers, that I would see them the way that He sees them, and that I would be able to love them as Christ loves them. And through all of the pain and grief that we are experiencing together the Lord has done just that. Over this last week and a half we have reached new depths, and an overwhelming desire to be together. Even if no one talks, there is something about sharing spaces and experiences with my brothers that fills my heart with such joy. It makes me want to cry with gratefulness that the last thing that my dad did was strengthen the bond of our family.
I have gained a new appreciation for how much I am loved. Loved by the Lord, loved by my family, and loved by my friends. It’s amazing, the outpouring of love and support has been shown to us during this time. We have literally had people from countries all over the globe who have been expressing their condolences, sending flowers, and loving us through this. I can’t begin to express how grateful I am for everyone that is walking beside us, not just right now, but through life in general. We are beyond blessed.
Lastly, I have gained a new outlook on what is worth investing in, what is truly valuable. My dad felt that people were important, and that they were worth investing in. I wrote that in the eulogy that I read at my dad’s memorial service. And after the service I had a friend come up to me and tell me a story that proves it. He told me that he remembered a day a few years ago that he worked for our family business, it was the busiest day of the year. At the end of the night, after all of the cotton candy had been purchased, all the candy apples eaten, and all the glow sticks sold, Cammy and my dad were sitting outside of our house having a beer and talking. My dad reached over and handed him a wad of cash, about $1400. Cam argued with him and tried not to take it. And my dad leaned over, looked him in the eye, and said,”Cameron, I don’t invest in stocks, I invest in people. Take it…and don’t tell Kylie.” My dad saw value in Cammy, and he wanted to invest in that. He believed that his return on investment would be far greater than if that money just sat in his pocket. Loosing my dad has taught me a lot about what is truly valuable, and I don’t just mean monetarily, although I would give every penny Joe and I have just to get one more day with my dad. It has taught me that people are worth our time, our energy, our prayers, our sweat, blood, and tears. They are worth it all.
Photo Credit: Talia D’Orazio (Sept. 20, 2014)
I am so grateful for my dad’s life, he was a teacher through and through, and it’s fitting that through his death I am also learning things from him. I am so thankful for all of the lessons that he taught me, and excited for all of the ones that are still to come through the stories that we share about his life, and the ones that we have the opportunity to embrace through his passing.
Photo Credit: Talia D’Orazio (Sept. 20, 2014)
Love you dad.
