At the beginning of June all of the women from three teams got together and had "gender time". At the beginning of the session we were given a note card and asked to write down our definition of love. Nothing too difficult….or so I thought. I began writing, and after about 8 words stopped and put down my pen. All of the words that were coming to mind were things that I had experienced in life….but all of them came from a place of brokenness. Below is the journal entry that followed this activity.
What is love? When I first considered this question all of the definitions and descriptions that came to mind were to do with the different experiences that I have had with other people in my life, infallible people like myself. Because I was thinking of love in terms of human ability, words like hard but easy, risky, vulnerable, sacrificial, giving grace all came to mind. Things that I fail to step into on a daily basis…unless you have the love of Jesus in you.
When I approach it from a different direction it seems less difficult, when I look at what Jesus did for me on the cross, at the perfect life that He lived, how He walked in grace and vulnerability, and sacrifice on a daily basis, how He loved the unlovable, the lost, the broken, the outcast, the poor, the dirty, all without judgement or condemnation. How He was the personification of love….pure and simple. I realize that my terms of love are very conditional. I don't always show everyone the same "love", and then I ask the question…is it really love at all then?
Love is hard, love is a choice, a sacrifice, putting others before yourself. Love is everything that God is and that I am not. It is everything that I want to be, but in my infallible humanness fail to accomplish. Love is a free gift, and one that I often refuse and reject out of fear of hurt, brokenness, or vulnerability.You cannot attain it through works, although I often try. It is untangible, you cannot see it, it is shapeless and formless, you cannot put it in a box even though it is a gift. It is vulnerable, sacrificial, redeeming, pure, and transformational. It is unfailing.
When I first started the race I had this perception of myself, this thought, "I love really well." But the Lord has been teaching me that loving people that are easy to love is not that difficult, it is stretching yourself and actually loving the ones that are unlovable that is what He wants from us.
And so, my prayer this month is this…Father, please teach me more about love, about how to love myself and those around me well, and out of a pure heart. Show me how to love unconditionally and without expectation. Teach me to love like you love me.
