Today the bottom fell out of my world…..if only for about an hour. This is most definitely a year of HUGE transitions! Not only for myself as I prepare for my upcoming year on The World Race, but also for a lot of people that are incredibly close to my heart. And today the reality of all of the change that has been, and is currently, occuring hit me…
When I say "people that are incredibly close to my heart" what I really mean to say is, my family.
I live with and rent a house with my mom, and this afternoon I recieved an email from my landlord. I was basically informed that as of January 1st, instead of signing a new lease agreement with my mom as previously discussed, they had instead decided that they would like to leave the house vacant. Basically, my mom has to find a new place to live and move in the exact same time that I am leaving the country for the WR. Now, for those of you who have known me for a long time, you know that I am no stranger to moving. In fact, I have moved more in my 29 years than a lot of people will move in their whole lives. It seems like every year and a half I am packing up house and moving to the other side of town…….so what's the big deal?!? There really isn't one right? Except that it removes the "coming back home" option out of the equation. Not that she wouldn't have had to move eventually, and not that I was planning on coming back to the same thing I left…..its just emotionally is easier for me to have her move while I am away. The old "outta sight, outta mind" trick. Not gonna happen….
This is just one drop in the transitional bucket……..
This morning I woke up to my younger brother coming into my room. Our relationship has been pretty rocky over the last couple of years, but regardless, he has been my best friend for as long as I can remember. I moved over and he climbed onto my bed and we just talked for an hour. And it was soooo nice, it felt like it used to be, so comfortable and familiar. And then I got up and started helping him to get ready for his trip, started trying to figure out travel stuff for him, posted his phone contract online for him, and helped him figure out what he was going to do about closing out bank accounts, credit cards, and discussed what he should do with his truck while he was gone……………
HOLD UP! Where is he going?!? You thought I was the only one going somewhere???
About a month and a half ago, Aaron, a friend that had once lived with us for a summer came back to Canada from Austraulia for a visit. While here Chris and him spent some time together talking about a bunch of stuff. A couple of days later Chris announced that he was moving to Austraulia.
Now don't get me wrong! I am incredibly happy for him, in fact I feel like this journey is necessary for him. He is not happy here, and needs to figure out who he is. I am also praying that along the way his eyes are opened to how big God really is.
That being said…..He leaves in 4 days, and this morning was probably the last time I would get to hang out with him, my best friend, one-on-one, and just shoot the breeze. It was bittersweet to say the least.
This afternoon I wandered around my house, not sure what to do with myself, restless, pulling pictures off of the walls, wrapping nicknacks in newspaper, and stuffing them into boxes. After the "momma moving" news, and the morning spent with Chris I was a bit of a wreck. And so, I did what I always do when I'm restlessly thinking, I grabbed Floyd and headed out for a tearful walk. I cried for the first half, talking to God and just trying to figure out what was going on inside of me.
Here's where I think the upset comes from…..my dad had always brought us up teaching us to be there for each other, to work together, and to support each other. And as I have been preparing to leave on this journey, I think in the back of my mind I continued to think that my support system would just be waiting here for me when I get back. And even though I have no plan for the future and am just going to wait and see what God is going to do, I was still relying on my support system (my family) to remain here for me. Something that I can always lean on. God is teaching me that although it is not a bad thing to have, He wants me to rely fully on Him, He wants me to lean completely on Him, to run to Him when I need help, to talk to Him first before anyone else. He wants to be my support system.
Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.
