Hunger and Community

It’s been a little while since my last post, and to be perfectly honest I just haven’t wanted to tell anyone what’s been going on in my life. I have felt stuck for the last couple of weeks. At our young adults and our youth group at our church we have been talking about hunger and what it is like to be hungry. When we are hungry for food, we eat, and then we are no longer hungry. But, when we are hungry for God, the more that we eat the more that we want to have relationship with Him. The more time we spend in His presence the more we want to be in His presence, and the more we want Him to fill us up. It is when we are constantly living in His presence, when we are constantly seeking Him, that His love begins to spill out and overflow into the lives of those around us.

Acts 2:28 You have made known to me the ways of life; You will make me full of joy in Your presence.

I have not been seeking His presence these last couple of weeks. Instead of seeking my Father and allowing Him to fill me up, allowing Him to take care of all of my needs and pour into me this last little while, I have been trying to do it on my own and my love tank has been running on empty because of it. Without God we cannot pour into others. And I have felt that tremendously. I am still the same person, but my ability to love on the people around me had been severely affected by the absence.

Why have I not been seeking God? I have been so consumed with all of the little things that I need to do on a daily basis, and lately I have allowed everything to take priority over my relationship with God. I come to the end of my day and realize that I have not even taken the time to say “hello” to my Creator or thank Him for being my Dad and provider. I missed church and my youth 2 weeks ago and that has also affected me. Community is so important, relationship with others that also believe in Jesus and are living and walking in his glory.

On Saturday morning my girlfriend, Gill, told me about a dream that she had about me the night before. In her dream I was basically telling her that I wanted to be a Christian and live for God, but I couldn’t do it without community, that I needed her to spend at least one day every single week with me, and if she couldn’t do that then I didn’t want to be a Christian anymore. And she was like, I just don’t know if I can give you a whole day every single week! What if I miss a week? Then you won’t be a Christian anymore! Nooooooo! As she was telling me this we were laughing a little at how extreme that was, but the more I’ve been thinking about it the more it rang true with what I have been missing over the last two weeks, and how important community is to me.

I feel like God is showing me how important all of this is now because, in six months time I will be leaving everything familiar to me. I will be with strange people, in strange countries, with strange customs. And if I can’t in my daily life seek Him now, if I can’t look to Him to fill me up when I am empty, and take care of my every need, I will not be able to pour His love and hope out into others. I will not be able to fulfill the mission that He is calling me to. How will I build and live in community with those who have been called to serve with me if I can’t do it here at home? If I can’t seek support and love now, how will I ever be able to do it when I am thousands of miles away?
 
Thank you Dad for opening my eyes, for showing me my weaknesses and helping me to address them and strengthen them. Thank you Jesus for living in community with your disciples while you walked the earth, for being perfect in every way and for showing us what it is like to live in the presence of the Father at all times, for never stepping out of His presence and for always seeking His will. Thank you for being the example that I want to strive to be. Amen.