I feel like everything I am going through right now, and will go through up until the beginning of the race is God’s way of preparing me for what is to come. And I don’t just mean during the race, the race is only a small piece of the proverbial pie, I mean for the rest of my life.
And Oh Boy! He is showing me some stuff about myself that I would much rather keep locked in the closet, away from prying eyes and listening ears, even away from myself. He is trying to teach me about grace.
“But God! Grace is my middle name!” Ha! I sure can talk that talk, but how’s my walk?
Here’s a little bit of how it’s gone the last week:
I am trying to get away for a long weekend, and this means that I have to do a little shifting around of my clients in order to get a Friday off. All of my clients are extremely flexible……wait! Did I say all? I meant all but one. Now don’t get me wrong, she is actually very nice, she just doesn’t like for her day to be moved back in the week. Which is totally her choice, God gave us all free will and she can do with it what she wants. However, from my point of view and in the middle of a day filled with a whole bunch of small issues that turn my day into a bad one, her saying, “no” was not what I wanted to hear. And instead of listening to, or even pausing to ask that still small voice inside of me what I should do I immediately got my back up. Here comes self-righteousness, barrelling into the picture like a runaway train, “How dare she!!! Trying to take my long weekend away from me, and making my day even harder! Who does she think she is?!?”
Here’s a question…..Who do I think I am? Hmmmmmm…..well, I am a Christian, I try to live love, and I try to be the kind of person that Jesus wants me to be, the kind of person that he was. But somewhere along the way I forgot about grace….aaaah grace, the thing that saved me.
For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. Romans 12:3
Instead of showing any semblance of grace whatsoever, here’s how it went instead:
Justice rears its ugly head, “That’s it, I quit! I’ll show her! I’ve already given my notice anyways! What are a few extra months without this client? She doesn’t value me, she doesn’t appreciate me!”
This is where, instead of trying to calmly explain the situation, or even see her point of view; I snatch all of her control away from her and create a situation where I am powerful and she is powerless. WAHAHAHAHA! I have now invited a spirit of fear into the relationship. I have ignored everything that Jesus would do, grace, forgiveness, mercy, love, kindness, gentleness, peace, etc…. And instead I have allowed the enemy to sneak in and create an unhealthy environment, one that breeds fear, contempt, anger, and bitterness.
All week God has been speaking to me about this, about the way I reacted. And today was no different. He has since, taken away my self-righteousness and justice and replaced it with a spirit of remorse and contrition. He has given me grace and is asking me to give the same. In fact, today I was at that same client’s house and He was speaking to me all morning about it, putting it on my heart to apologize for my behavior and ask for forgiveness, and then I walked into her son’s room……the below picture is what I was greeted with…….
Mmmmmhmmmmm……Talk about a message from God! Dooooooo it! Needless to say I sent her an apology for my behaviour this afternoon, as soon as I was finished work. What a powerful lesson on the need for more grace in my life. If I don’t learn now, it will be a harder lesson to learn when out on the field.
Thank you God for loving me enough to show me grace, and teaching me how to show it to others.
“Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against anyone among your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD.” Leviticus 19:18
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