The door I shouldn’t have opened…
Screams, bangs, chants came from inside, and the only thing that was separating my partner, Tori, and I from whatever was waiting for us inside was an old flimsy wooden door. I stared at it and thought, ‘Don’t open the door.’ As if she couldn’t read my mind, Tori flung the door open, and inside we went. Hesitantly, I shut the door. Huge dark brown eyes stared at us intensely as the chanting continued. They banged the sharpen sticks against walls, desks, and sometimes each other. As we started walking past them, their banging and chanting got louder. “I love the vibe, I love the vibe, I love the vibe, am I going to die?” I said in a whisper.
We made it to the front of the class, the chanting and bangs stopped as we turned around… but the hard stares didn’t. Sitting before us was our mission for the month. Our real mission was to be louder, more creative and, above all, survive. For this month we were the teachers. You could clearly see it on their faces that they had their own plan for us, and they were going to stretch me like I’ve never been stretched before. We were standing before the rebels of the 5th grade class.
Days came and days went by as we hiked to and from the primary school. As I warmed up to the 5th graders and enjoyed talking with them, their harsh stares turned into bright eyes with smiles on their faces. When we walked into their classroom, I got excited for lesson planning. It was like a game for me, helping them to not get bored with school. However, they still startled me with their pointing sticks.
One day, something happened that I didn’t think would. Tori and I walked back to the primary school on our off time to watch our kids play soccer. I knew I shouldn’t have opened the door.
As we stood waiting for the bell to ring for our 5th graders to be released a new battle started to swarm us. Cute brown eyes and scary smiles started to come closer and closer to us. They were even more terrifying than the 5th graders for here came the 1st graders. The battle started as they tried to look their cutest as they searched our pockets for ‘sweets.’ Little did we know we had on watchers who were not fans of the other students being all over us. The bell finally rang, and the flimsy door burst open and out came the 5th graders. The boys grabbed the little ones who were hanging onto us and whacked the tops of their heads as they said something to them in Swati. The girls grabbed our arms and pulled us away. “They really like us!” I said to Tori as we walked back to where we were staying at.
Being afraid of them, turned to feeling protected by being around them. I shouldn’t have opened the door.
More days went by, and the day I started dreading arrived. It was time to say good-bye to the 5th graders. Tears started running down my face as I packed up to go to the school one last time. I came to notice the tears and wiped them away… I couldn’t let them see my tears. It seemed like we had been walking for eternity before we got to the school. As we walked into the class room, we were greeted by some laughs and even bigger smiles. We smiled, laughed, and hugged back those who hugged us. We told the kids that it was our last day to be with them, and with confused looks on their faces, they asked us if were coming back tomorrow. That’s what tore my heart. They watched us as we walked out of the classroom. I stopped and looked at old flimsy wooden door that I shouldn’t have opened. I stood looking at the closed door, why is it closed? I wanted to open the door and never shut it. I took a deep breath and started walking away. Where did those terrifying children go? The ones whose eyes peered deep into our souls? The ones who banged pointy sticks on their desks? I heard a bang on the window and there they were… bright eyes and big smiles and all of them waving at us as we walked by. They were once monsters; monsters that became challenges. Those challenges eventually became pieces of my heart. When did I start loving these children so much that it hurt me leaving them?
I sat on my bed, looking at my notebook. “God,” I said, “Why did you have to open that door? Why not a different one?” He didn’t say anything.
As we were leaving, I stared out the van window as we passed the school. Why, God, did you have me open that door?
“To help you.”
God unlocked and opened the door that I didn’t want to open. It was the door that lead to my feelings. I’m a very passionate person, but I give out my love so slowly because I don’t want to get hurt. Especially when I knew the relationship wasn’t going to last. Here God was doing exactly what I didn’t want Him to be doing, but He was doing exactly what He promised, He was helping my heart so I can be more like Him.
Thank you to all those who have supported me so far. It means so much to me! Thank you for your love and prayers. It really does help, especially when it’s a difficult day your prayers really do lift me up. Words really can not described how much your love means to me.
Thank you all for helping me so far with fundraising, I’m getting so close to being fully funded. I only need $1,114 more before I’m fully funded! God can make anything possible! So I’m praying for more people to step forward and help both financially and with prayers so God can continue to open doors in my life. I need to be fully funded by the end of June, so I’m praying for.
$304 by 6/5/15
$300 by 6/12/15
$310 by 6/19/15
$200 by 6/26/15
You all are a huge blessing!
